Sunday, January 27, 2013

Let's Get The Kardashians Deported Back To Armenia

Sorry for the weird font - trying to fix.

I've had enough. As an Armenian American (ie - never been there, just know the slurs/swear words), it's high time we organized a grassroots effort to somehow get the Kardashians out of this cesspool country. They're bringing it down, making Armenians look bad, making conspicuous consumption look cool, and adding no substantial value to our lives. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - these people make Dr. Kevorkian look like Mother Theresa. If a Turk came up to me and said he was gonna start the second Armenian Genocide, I'd rat these gals out faster than a teenaged George Soros turning in a Jew during the 1940's.

So here's the deal - I'm gonna run down each Kardashian (in words, not with my car), and why its time for them to leave. If you disagree, I will add you to this list and get you deported too, so see to it that you keep your mouth shut. Let's do this thang.

Kris Jenner - The matriarch. Married Robert Kardashian (ie - the attorney who disposed of OJ's murder garments), cheated on him with a soccer player, got his money when he died of cancer, and remarried Olympic hero/lesbian librarian Bruce Jenner. Queefed out four scumbag children with Kardashian, three of which I have filed official paperwork to have deported. Looks like Chyna with a pixie cut (two red flags). This woman is a gold digger/socialite, and while not Armenian, birthed these spawn of Satan and therefore must be forced to live in Armenia. Start packing.

Kim Kardashian - The first of the three children to put herself on the map. Not by doing something classy or entrepreneurial with her fathers money, but by making a sex tape with Ray J. In case you didn't know, Ray J is famous for being the brother of 90's R&B star Brandy (the same woman that somehow avoided vehicular manslaughter in 2006. Cause of accident - Ray J was riding her coattails too closely). Dated NFL bust Reggie Bush, married Kris Humphries and divorced him 72 days later (but took countless braindead women for a roller coaster ride and US Weekly sales through the roof). Kris Humphries went on to become a half-decent basketball player in the aftermath. Then she started dating the third most over-rated black man behind Obama and Jay Z - Kanye West. The last rapper without an out-of-wedlock child. Conveniently, the bitch is now pregnant for the sole purpose of keeping herself in the news. If abortions could be televised, she'd pursue that option as well, but there's more money to be made when you have Kanye's lovechild. Since Armenians are hairy and Kanye is one of the biggest pieces of shit on TV, their child will be a hairy piece of shit. So they need to go.

Kourtney Kardashian - Oldest child. Parents should have stopped there, but unfortunately they didn't. Links up with biggest deuchebag on earth, Scott Disick, who wears the gaudy outfits that Craig Sager and Shannon Sharpe REFUSE to wear, and uses a pimp cane eventhough he walks fine. Bastard won't even do the decent thing and marry her. At the expense of actually parenting her children, tosses them to a nanny the second she returns from the maternity ward and fiendishly works out so she can secure her next "I dropped the baby weight in record time for my People Magazine Bikini Shoot." Cause that's how beauty is measured, you hairy whore. Take your family and your mustache to Armenia. Hopefully Scott gets molested by TSA and they stick the cane up his ass and throw his lifeless bitch-corpse in the plane's undercarriage with the rest of the cargo. (what?!?!?)

Khloe Kardashian - unfairly called the ugly Kardashian. Her physical appearance is not ugly. The second she opens her mouth, she morphs into a fire-breathing, toad-faced harpee. That's ugly. She looks like she smells like a homeless woman's four month old used tampon. Do homeless women actually use tampons? Not sure why they wouldn't, but then again that's not my problem. That's Lamar Odom's problem. These two have actually been married for over three years, which is like ten years in Hollyweird years. They will be divorced by mid-2014, and Odom will miraculously rejuvenate his career, because that's what people do when they shed the Kardashians. You don't piss me off as much as the other two, yet I still hate your guts. Weird how that works. Get to steppin' dollface.

Once these jezebels get deported, we can revisit the (hopefully) muted impact of the Kardashian family. Bruce just seems confused so he turns to toy helicopters to escape reality, Rob is still shell-shocked that he banged a Cheetah Girl, and the two little ones are now starting to whore themselves out while Mommy takes pictures. One of those sluts will be pregnant in the next two years, bank on it. But that's the next wave, for another day. You might be saying, "You sure know a lot about this family, I'll bet you watch them regularly." I don't, but like the last vestiges of Magic Johnson's HIV, you can't seem to completely rid yourself of this disease. That's why you need to join me in my pledge to deport these ghouls as well as their partners.

America will be glorious again.


  1. Not sure if I'm more disgusted by the Kartrashians or by your homeless woman comment. Nevertheless, made my morning a little brighter, thanks Ross!
    (melissa c)

    1. honestly i was gagging as i wrote that last night. but it got through my wife's filter so i assumed we were 'good to go.' glad i didnt frighten you away from the blog yet!!