Sunday, January 6, 2013

Introduction to Blog

Hi Everybody (read: my wife and two other people)!!! This is the blog that about seven of you asked for since I joined Facebook in 2007. Not sure where the need to start a blog came from, since I generally find them to be for the self-consumed and from what I've seen of those without a purpose, they're boring, unfunny, and feature reviews of their days (so basically, about 7 billion other people had a 'day' too, but for some reason your's was more important). But whatever, they're fun and they give people a forum to vent and share details about their life. So shut up.

I was trying to dream up a name for this blog for a long time, but 'Cranky/Angry/Frustrated Suburban Dad' was taken by too many inactive users. I stumbled upon the phrase 'Trousered Apes' somehow, which was the name of a 1971 book by Duncan Williams. I didn't read it, I don't care to read it, but the name is wildly amusing. Picture apes wearing slacks/trousers/dungarees. It's funny. A couple other fellow bloggers had many variations, so I went with '' because that's what was available. Deal with it.

What is a 'Trousered Ape' you ask? Again, I didn't read the stupid book, I ganked the phrase. To me, it's someone with an intelligence level slightly above that of a simeon. Someone prone to monkey-like goofiness, hijinx, stupidity and other foolish behavior. More importantly, I think it speaks to what we as Americans have become over the past ten years - our obsession with iPhones, materialism, indifference, texting, jeggings, black-rimmed glasses, the Kardashian family, Dancing With The Stars, etc. You name it - we have the attention span of a camel. We have become slightly more intelligent than an ape. I will cast a spotlight on the apes among us who are mentally disengaged and foolish in hopes of smoking them out of their habitat for good.

To those who know me, I am a family man with a wonderful wife and three adorable kids. I'm a devout Catholic who was a lifelong Republican before becoming a Libertarian on January 1st, 2013. I work at a prominent Pharmaceutical company, studied Finance in grad school and am deeply interested in the global financial markets, the daily theater of politics of Washington.....and Bible Prophecy. I've been into eschatology ('study of end times') since 1996. It's been a long road, but we are finally to a point in human history when the writings of Old Testament prophets Isaiah, Ezekial, Daniel as well as Revelation are starting to come into full view and are relevant to today's headlines (I just lost two readers after this paragraph).

How is my blog different than the other billion blogs? I combine 1) Weekly analysis of ape-like behavior in communuties among us with 2) Overview of economic and market trends with 3) How this relates to The End of the World As We Know It. Let's be clear - I don't claim to be smarter than you. I don't claim to be cooler than you. I don't claim to have an inside scoop. But I am more engaged in the day to day machinations of the Globalist/New World Order/Illuminati plan to enslave us and turn us into servants for their agenda than you are. BOOM! You weren't expecting that curveball were you? Yeah, you live off your iPhone, watch stupid programs on TV to get you nice and jelly-brained. Don't worry, I'm doing the research for you. You'll get the heads up from me before shit gets real. That's the small reward you get for reading my blog.

One last warning - if you're friends with me on Facebook, you know that I like to stir the pot. Half the stuff I post is just to get a rise out of people. If you are easily offended, please stay away from this blog. I can't stand people who get worked up easily and start bitching about me being 'ignorant, racist, sexist, etc'. I hate everyone equally. I ask for daily forgiveness from the Lord for my disdain of humanity, so understand I'm a work in progress. As I said earlier, I was a Republican for my whole life until this year, so I won't hesitate to make fun of them from time to time. Liberals are Public Enemy #1. They are ruining what's left of this dying empire we call the United States of America. In the coming months/years, we will be taking a dark turn into 3rd World status, and I will be on the front lines saying 'told ya so, bitches.' Expect doom and gloom blogs, warnings of what's to come, and some interesting stories of what your fellow species has been doing at the local Wal-Mart. As Bobby Knight once said, "If rape is inevitable, sit back and enjoy it."

I look forward to the journey we take together, and I promise to be the most sarcastic wiseass on Planet Earth as we move foreward. Enjoy the blog and please let me know what I can do to improve it. God bless.


  1. Oh yes. This is everything i've ever hoped for in the world.

  2. How were we not friends in high school? I will be a loyal blog reader, mostly because I enjoy having someone to roll my eyes at every week... It's also extremely amusing to try and picture your facial expressions and manic voice while reading it through. Most importantly though, a good honest opinion is always refreshing.

    p.s. have you read the Left Behind Series? You would enjoy them.

    1. You've always been cool in my book. No judgments. Thanks for reading!

  3. Thanks Melissa! Of the two Melissa's from High School give me your last initial so I can judge you for not hanging out with my weird/manic ass. Yes, I've read Left Behind. Excellent series. Book 1 is unfolding in real life right now (roll your eyes at THAT!)