Sunday, July 28, 2013

Celebrity Smackdown - Beyonce Knowles-Z

My hatred of Hollywood is palpable. It has the highest concentration of self-consumed, self-important, drug-addicted, phony, morally depraved assholes on planet earth. If an asteroid were to somehow wipe it out, I would rejoice like a Palestinian on 9/11. That being said, a good deal of these pinheads need to be brought back down to our level. Over the next few weeks I will zero in on obnoxious celebrities and stomp a verbal mudhole in their lousy guts while exposing them as the frauds that they are. Our first victim is Beyonce Knowles......-Z.

For those who don't have cable, Beyonce has been the dominant R&B singer of the past twelve years (basically since Aaliyah died, God rest her soul). She started with Destiny's Child and naturally went solo because of her beauty, her voice, her onstage presence, blah blah blah. That's fine. Not here to make personal attacks on looks or voice quality, cause obviously she is blessed in both categories. If she didn't have any other baggage, I wouldn't be writing this post and would have just skipped to Kanye West. However, if you dig a little deeper and examine her recent past, you'll find her to be just another pretentious diva with Eric Holder-esque DOJ tendencies and a dark, sinister 'alter-ego' that the press gives her a pass on. Here's a list of reasons why she landed on my shitlist:

1) The whole baby/hospital fiasco with Jay Z
We all remember when Beyonce and Jay Z dominated the news with the birth of their baby 'Blue Ivy' (latest dumbass celebrity baby name, joining the ranks of Apple, Moxie Crimefighter, and Kal-El. As long as it's not 'Jermichael' and Jay Z stays in the picture, we're fine, I guess). They infamously shut down a wing of a hospital because their kid was more important than other people's. While reports differ on whether or not they actually paid $1.3m to 'shut down the entire floor', at the very least security guards repeatedly blocked the father of two premature babies from entering the Neonatal area, and other patients on the floor considered lodging complaints about family members being prevented from visiting due to the security guards. Again, reports are going to vary, but this was all over the news at the time, and independent of how much money was shelled out to retain privacy, loading up on security guards for a maternity ward qualifies as douche-baggery in my book.

What is so special about Beyonce's vaginal birth? Is her vaginal lining coated in gold? Diamonds? Tennis ball material? Why the special treatment? So women recovering from a C-section for four days need to deal with this shit? Why the security guards? Maternity wards are as locked down as you can get. I wish our border were run by maternity ward nurses. No one would ever get through. I had to practically provide a semen/stool sample every time I came and went from the wards when my three kids were born. She's not the first nor the last celebrity to demand this kind of treatment. But it's effin obnoxious.

2) 'Bow Down', Bitches
Beyonce went from the hot lead singer of Destiny's Child to biggest performer of 2003 to Jay Z's power-broker wife. Now she thinks we need to bow down before her. Sorry you arrogant twat - I only bow down before Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Your scantilly clad muscled twerking ass? No thanks. Go fuck yourself. Don't give me the typical women's lib 'I'm just empowered, I'm a strroooooong woman' claptrap (while she shakes her chicken neck). You are elevating yourself to hero worship, just like your husband Jay Z and Kanye West. Your 'strong woman' persona means nothing to me. Your head is as big as it was during your fro'd out cameo in Austin Powers 3. Deflate that shit.

Still not sure if the song is just an uplifting tome? Check out the following lyrics:

I know when you were little girls
You dreamt of being in my world
Don't forget it, don't forget it
Respect that, bow down, b-tches

I'm so crowned, bow, bow down b-tches

I took some time to live my life
But don’t think I’m just his little wife

Don't tell my daughter she wanted to be you when she grows up, because she doesn't aspire to dance like a slut/savage. We don't worship 'your world' of material wealth and pampering. You are NOT crowned. You exist because your handlers allow you to exist (stay tuned for #3 - it'll blow your mind.) Now before you go off into 'I'm a sexist pig' mode, EVERY rapper talks themselves up, so this is par for the course. But in the greater context, compared with the other items, it helps earn her a Celebrity Smackdown for her smug arrogance.

3) She is an Illuminati Whore. I repeat, Beyonce is an Illuminati Whore.
I haven't gotten into the Illuminati much in my blog posts (ie - 'the secret society that runs the world from behind the scenes'). I will eventually. Everyone has their own definition of what they think 'The Illuminati' is, but long story short, they own Hollywood. They own the US presidency. They own the media. They own the Federal Reserve. They are Satan's servants here on earth, and they DO exist. In order to get as many people under their umbrella as possible, they recruit celebrities as 'useful idiots' to their cause. You may recognize the names Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Kanye West, Jay Z, Marilyn Manson, Nicki Minaj, and Beyonce. They are but a few of the Hollywood celebrities that are bought and paid for by the globalists. You think I'm joking but I'm not. Look this stuff up (hint - it won't be found on Fox News/CNN/MSNBC but seek and ye shall find). Watch this clip and come talk to me:

Here's another just to keep your attention:

The imagery, the symbolism, the jewelry, the pyramid sign that her and Jay Z flash (capstone of the NWO pyramid, otherwise known as the 'Eye of Horus'), the fact that her husband is the CEO (or whatever) of Roc-A-Fella, the record label he started, taken as a 'hood' version of Rockefeller, the kin of the oil mogul and leading Illuminati family in the world (along with the Rothschild family).

She's been photographed wearing the ring of Baphomet (goat head, adopted by the Church of Satan). Notorious satanist Aleister Crowley brought this icon into prominence during the early 20th century as another symbol for Satan.

So combine the above, with the Illuminati symbol below, the back of the dollar bill, the Roc-a-fella label's success (together they are billionaires), the unparalleled success as the '1st Couple' of Hollywood, the imagery from the Super Bowl performance and it all makes sense. Believe it if you want, dismiss me as crazy (you probably already have), I don't give a shit. This is Hollywood. People sell their souls to be successful, Listen to the interviews with Katy Perry and Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussy Cat Dolls about 'selling your soul'. Beyonce is just another name to the list.

4. The 'Sasha Fierce' gimmick.
Remember when Garth Brooks did that stupid album as Chris Gaines? Or when Stephen King wrote under the pseudonym Richard Bachman? Those were corny but innocuous. Beyonce claims she undergoes spiritual enslavement and an evil 'presence' fills her named 'Sasha Fierce'. She's said in interviews that its almost like she blacks out whenever she gets possessed. Doesn't remember what she's doing, has no control, and all of her inner animal instincts come out. Either she's truly possessed by some foreign 'entity' (again, she's Illuminati so not surprised), or this is some stupid stage trick to make her 'unaccountable' when she makes ugly horse-faces and dances like a jezebel on steroids at her concerts. Check out the infamous rotten, sneering face she makes under the moniker 'Sasha Fierce':

There's a lot more where that came from if you simply Google the images (for some reason I can't post all of the goofy pics, maybe NSA is cracking down on this)! I'll let you stew on the above and research on your own time. But that, my friends, is Sasha Fierce in action! And what about her request at the end of the halftime show for everyone to stick their arms out so she could take in their energy? Who the hell needs other people's energy? SAAAAATANNNN? Hmmmm????????

Then she has the audacity to get pissed off when these pictures get taken of her!!! Her thighs are more muscular than Jason Varitek's!! Her face is horsier than Seabiscuit's!!!! What kind of diabolical force is taking over her body?!?!? I will leave that to the reader to decide. But seriously, these 'no more mister nice guy' appeals are so pathetic. Family man/Hollywood Christian (not many of them) crooner Pat Boone tried to do this 20 years ago and it failed mightily. "Need to reinvent myself - I got it - I'll make bitter beer faces and flex my sinewy neck muscles!!!!" You're doing fine on your own, Beyonce, no need to create an alter-ego. Again, unless the Illuminati are telling you to. If you're a big enough whore like Ke$ha, they might even  bang you.

5. She's your basic self-important diva and her music actually sucks if you filter out her wonderful voice.
So this should really be 5A and 5B. The baby fiasco was a mere prologue to her diva tendencies. A recent tour-rider came forward with some of her wacky demands (disclaimer - most Hollywood celebrities have similar strange requests, but again, lump this in with the greater context):
  • All crew members have to wear 100% cotton.
  • Alkaline water must be chilled to 21 degrees and served with $900 titanium straws.
  • Bathrooms must have new toilet seats and red toilet paper at every venue. (Trousered Apes note - why the red toilet paper? Does the Princess menstruate and she's too ashamed? deal?)
  • Hand-carved ice balls should be made after each show to cool her throat.
  • Fathead lifesize cutout of pagan god Baphomet for her to throw up the Illuminati sign to (ok I made that last one up).
Anyone with those types of demands is worthy of ridicule. I'm sure she's a nice person in private, probably gives to charity and loves her fans. But the pedestal shit pisses me off. I like to kick pedestals with people on them so they fall back to the ground where they belong. Doesn't seem to have a humble bone on her body. Did you see her at the SNL taping with Justin Timberlake? Stiff, phony, takes herself too seriously. Contrast that with JT in a leotard making a jackass out of himself and we all love him for it because self-deprecation is awesome. Not in Beyonce's world.

And the music. Come on. Admit it - despite the beautiful voice, appearance and dance moves, her music is ugly. Horrible melodies. Catchy but ugly. That stupid strut she does. Get. Lost. I've been listening to R&B for 25 years so I know what I'm talking about. Aaliyah had it all. Janet had it all. Mariah had it all. Beyonce leaves much to be desired. I'll grant you 'Halo', but the rest is balderdash garbage aimed at empowering women  herself and encouraging heroine worship. Madonna and Lady Gaga are in the same vain (watch their Illuminati performances and tell me they aren't eerily similar/trashy).

So that's my steamrolling of Beyonce. Cut the shit about 'yeah bro, she makes more in one concert than you'll see in a lifetime.' That's not how you measure people. Treating fellow human beings like servants and peasants does not get you into the Pearly Gates faster. I'll pray for her as I'll pray for any other celebrity I trash in future blog posts - but these assholes need to have a crash landing reality check in Trousered Apesville. Until next time...... 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Detroit 2013 - A Preview of 21st Century America

In between the Zimmerman verdict and Royal Baby birth, something catastrophic and foreshadowing occurred to one of the most productive US cities in the 20th century - Detroit filed for bankruptcy. Everyone saw it coming, and everyone in the general vicinity of the once-great city has blood on their hands. This post will examine what went wrong, why it will eventually hit other large cities, and really creative things to do with what's left of Detroit if I were the poor slob responsible for turning the city around.

How the hell did Detroit get into this mess?

It's common knowledge that the Motor City has been overrun with crooked Democrats since 1962. Once the poster boy of the American automotive industry, Detroit sold its soul to Union thugs, engaged in large-scale corruption, and got its one-trick pony ass handed to it when the Japanese started producing (gasp) quality cars. What could cause a city of 1.8m people in the 1950's to drop down to 700,000 today (60% reduction)? Full disclosure - I've never been to Detroit, but then again I've never been to Afghanistan or Siberia either, and am completely fine passing judgment on the living conditions there without forcing myself to visit them. So shut your mouth. Here's a Homey The Clown sock to the head of Detroit fun facts for you to chew on (source:

- $20 billion in debt and unfunded liabilities.
- 300k manufacturing jobs in 1960 (about 17% of peak population). Now its less than 27k.
- 50% of Michigan manufacturing jobs were lost from 2000-2010.
- 47% of Detroiters are functionally illiterate. More on this later.
- Police force down 40% in ten years.
- Violent crime 5x national average. Murders 11x that of NYC.

The heavy reliance on the auto industry that 'drove' Detroit to being one of the most prosperous cities in the United States fifty years ago ended up becoming its undoing. Cars exploded in the 1950's and Detroit was at the forefront. A sustainable business model was created, as Ford, GM, and Chrysler set up plants and other manufacturing facilities to crank out cars to North America. Then the city went down an ugly road after the 1967 riots caused massive civil unrest. The residents then proceeded to elect Democrat Union-dick sucking mayors for 50 years, continued to lavishly fund pensions without thinking of the downstream impacts, refused to develop other services outside of automobiles due to lack of vision, innovation and intellectual curiousity. Allowed drugs and crime to fester, forcing white flight and its most important taxpayers to the suburbs. Racial bitterness persisted (on both sides of the coin), as the conservative white suburbs were pitted against the failing black city of Detroit. It didn't help the situation that they actually kept their schools segregated and through a Supreme Court decision would not bus students across district lines! Kept pumping money into failing school systems that never seemed to improve themselves over the past 30 years. Crooked official after crooked official seemed to find their way to Detroit, some even winning mayoral elections. Below is a brief list of the scumbags that led Detroit into oblivion ('bolivion' as Mike Tyson would say):

- Kwame Kilpatrick (former mayor) - felony obstruction of justice
- Charlie Beckham (current mayor Dave Bing's former chief advisor) - accepting bribes, corruption
- Tom Barrow (former mayoral contender) - tax evasion
- Monica Conyers (former city council president, wife of congressman John Conyers) - federal bribery charges

These are some of the assholes running things in Detroit. No wonder they can't seem to get anything right. And that's BEFORE we even discuss the unsustainable pension problems. We're now on the precipice of witnessing millions of Detroit pensioners running the risk of NOT receiving their pensions due to the bankruptcy. As mentioned earlier, a dwindling tax base, a 16% city unemployment rate (down from 28% four years ago, but still shitty), city maintenance costs increasing, abandoned buildings and vacant lots and lack of visionary politicians to find a way to fund these pensions. Well, this is what happens. Now the General Retirement System goes from 83% funded to 65%, while the police and fire pension goes from 100% funded to 78%. Expect those numbers to continue to go down. Lots of gravy train manufacturing 20/30/40 years ago + uncaving Union thugs + rewarding malfeasance and corruption = Detroit in distress. Sorry city residents, you could see this coming from a mile away. You chose it by voting in the same 'rotten to the core' types of leaders. You wouldn't divert from 'business as usual' in Detroit. You didn't learn new skill sets to keep your job more valuable or indispensible. You didn't account for Japan or Korea and now India creating successful car companies. But you kept doing the same thing, pointing your fingers and guilt-tripping those that were smart enough to escape the wrath and chase a better life in Suburbia. Here's a sign that the understaffed police department put up because Detroit isn't even worth protecting anymore:

The school are in shambles too. As mentioned earlier, 47% of the students are functionally illiterate. 70% of 4th graders and 77% of 8th graders score below basic skill levels in math on the NAEP test. The Detroit public school system even stooped so low as to make the teachers loan them $10,000 through 40 $250 paycheck deductions as a means of ensuring payroll needs were met. Teachers would get the money back (interest free of course) once they left the school. 70% of children are born to single mothers (third rail of common sense 'this is what's fucking wrong with our inner cities' remarks that gets you labeled as 'ignorant'). Charter schools were capped because they were 'taking away good teachers from the failing public schools'). Ok, why are liberals so against charter schools and school choice? Why is it that the free market playing out and attracting the best of the best (of Detroit, not saying much) is offensive to the public sector? Listen, I love teachers and always respect them. But if you are in a failing environment that isn't getting better, and you are powerless to control it, get the hell out and go to a suburban environment where your quality of life is better. 70% of students from broken homes and corrupt administrations are not a good combination for you to get in the middle of.

The final straw for many was when successful philanthropist Bob Thompson, who gave half of his fortune to his former employees, wanted to donate the other half of his fortune in the form of 15 new Detroit charter schools. The amount was $200 million. Detroit balked at the idea, and current inmate/ex-mayor Kwame Kilpatrick told him to led the public school system dictate how the $200m was spent. Union organizers blocked it under the idea that it would take away their precious school teachers. Guess what? Thompson withdrew his offer. Fortunately he ended up sprucing up three charter schools, but a perfect opportunity was missed because of 'business as usual':

So we know Detroit basically has a fork sticking out of its back. We can pretend it will turn around but it won't. Those manufacturing jobs aren't coming back. Those pensions won't be paid out at 100% (or even 50% for some of them). The racial divide persists (though I thought that was supposed to disappear during the 2009-2017 Obama years?). Now suburbanites who escaped the decay of Detroit will soon be asked to foot the bill for Detroit's financial woes. This is liberalism, corruption, and union thuggery run amuck. Now I'm sure there are other towns run by conservatives that have fallen on hard times, but this is formerly the 4th largest city in America in the 1960's. It's the home of Motown. This is a big deal. Countless other cities on the west coast continue to flounder (see: California - Stockton, San Bernardino). Many more are coming down the pike.

Here's a few 'Detroits of Tomorrow' to whet your whistle - Cincinnati, Minneapolis, Portland, and Sante Fe. Look out for stagnant economic growth, high levels of unemployment, steep 'leaver' rates, unsustainable levels of under-funded retiree benefits, and skyrocketing health care costs for retirees (and not to mention the perverted spectre in the background known as Obamacare, which will cost 2x as much as we were promised). Check these two graphs out to see which cities are on the radar over the next decade based on leavers (see bolded variables above, as 'leaving' doesn't necessarily cause city bankruptcy):

So in light of all that, what do we do next? I have some suggestions.

1. Bulldoze the whole fucking place. Make a big parking lot or one big national park. This will be a memorial for what America used to be before we got too big for our britches. This is what happens when we stop innovating, produce crappy products, expect to be overcompensated for it, break the law, look gift horses in the mouth, and depart from what made this country great - capitalism.

2. Roll the dice and only elect successful venture capitalists and turn-around experts to prominent political positions. Democrats had the last 50 years. They failed. Time for a change. One problem - Republicans are pussies. So elect some Independents or Austrian School of Economics Libertarians.

3. Let the city's public schools fail. It can't get much worse. "Yeah and how are these poor people going to pay for it, you brat?" Utilize the school voucher system. Have government redirect existing, already committed subsidies from the failing public school to the parents of the child going to the charter school. A 2012 study by the Mackinac Center For Public Policy showed cost per student in Detroit in 2011 was $19,000. Per each dumb student. Give that money in the form of a school voucher each year to the poor parent(s) so their kid can get a chance to succeed in life. Draft legislation that encourages charter school startups. Get out of this segregated 'white vs black' mindset. Democrats want division. They're inherently condescending to minorities - "You can't do it by yourself, you need us you helpless piece of shit." What the hell have they done for you Detroit? Watch charter schools pop up and out-perform the public school system. Watch grades and literacy rates and math scores and graduation rates skyrocket. Take note and implement this in every city that is struggling. Stop playing the fucking race card.

4. Sew up the vagina of these 70% of single mothers and cut the penis off of the men that knocked them up. Only kidding so stop getting all angry. This is a problem though. Of course, the rates will somehow continue to hover in the 70% range even AFTER my suggestion. But my suggestion makes lives better. Children will (gasp) know both parents, go to a charter school, learn things, become successful, pay higher taxes, give back to the community, perhaps even MOVE back to the community, and BOOM Detroit begins to grow again.

5. See #1.

Hang in there Detroit. It'll get better. Not. You won't do any of the above. You won't rein in the corruption, you won't payout those pensions. You won't improve your school systems. You won't change your voting style. Detroit is the first of many large American cities to file for bankruptcy. Baltimore. Cleveland. Philadelphia. Don't pick on them, pray for them. It's coming to your city soon.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Why The Karate Kid Deserved To Get Beat Up By The Cobra Kai

One of my favorite vintage 80’s movies is The Karate Kid. Ralph Macchio stole the hearts of a country with his courageous performance by almost single-handedly battling a stable of Cobra Kai goons and somehow vanquishing them all when he captured the prestigious All Valley Karate Championship (previous champeens – Bruce Lee, Liu Kang, and Jackie Chan). Everyone loves to root for the underdog, right? But what happens if we look at Daniel LaRusso’s story through the lens of a Cobra Kai member? Or even a nonpartisan classmate who sees this from the sidelines? A different pattern emerges, one with peculiar and quite frankly sheepish overtones. I’ve listed a few examples for the reader in order to build the case that Daniel San had it coming to him.

1)      You don’t move from shithole Newark, NJ to the San Vernando Valley of LA and walk in there like you’re something special. The people of LA are trendier, cooler, better looking and superior athletes than you. Daniel ‘Donkeylips’ LaRusso came in, started showing off by knee-bumping a soccer ball to impress Ali Mills and her cum dumpster friends as ‘Cruel Summer’ blares in the background. Dude, you just moved there. Ease in a little bit. Don’t rock the boat. And don’t go after the hottest girls your first week. There’s a jock/meathead pecking order with these gals, and you are right behind trench-coated thespians on the ‘To-Do’ list. And then you go after a girl who just had a rough breakup with Cobra Kai cleanup hitter Johnny Lawrence? Are you nuts? That’s like rattling the cages at Gitmo, except instead of cages there’s….air. Bad form. Liquor up a slam pig and get your rocks off. Don’t start the semester with enemies. Trousered Apes Prescribed Punishment (‘TAPP’) – a shove against a locker/finger wagging ‘You better watch out’ warning from Johnny.

2)      His lack of solid judgment and overall clumsiness got him in foolish situations. He dressed up as a frigging shower curtain for a Halloween party, but no girl would be caught dead going in ‘the shower’ because he hadn’t manscaped since the Carter administration. At least link up with some buddies from class and go in tandem. Cobra Kai went as skeletons. Everyone else was a ninja or Superman. You’re a damn shower curtain with swamp-ass (‘swass’ as the kids call it these days) and the body of a cross country runner. Strike 1. Strike 2 came in the form of his overall clumsiness when he arrived at the formal that he was clearly not invited to. Ali, Johnny, and her parents were at this stuffy affair, errybody was having a good time doing the ‘white person dance’ and Johnny decides to sneak some tongue into the equation. Not a big deal (I’ve been kicked off the playground for even lesser infractions). But the dumb bastard tried to play hero and ended up backing into a waiter serving spaghetti. Chaos and laughter ensue. Did anyone dare to ask, “How did this asshole even get in here, let alone the kitchen?” Who was working the door, Mexico Border Security? Tuuka Rask in the last 17 seconds of Game 6 of the Stanley Cup? TAPP – the spaghetti was embarrassing enough, but for good measure I would have given him a swift dick-kick to bring him to his knees, grab him by the neck and say something 80’s like ‘You’re on thin ice/dead meat, creep’.
Get 'eem, boyz!!!!
3)      He had a really gay mountain bike. Sorry to use the word ‘gay’ but my understanding from the Supreme Court decision was that with the equal treatment of same sex couples comes mainstreaming of the word ‘gay’. That means we can call things ‘gay’ without feeling ashamed about it anymore. Kinda like ‘the race card ended when Obama got elected, so stop your fucking bitching and start acting accountable for your actions.’ Ok wow this was not supposed to get animated, it’s a Karate Kid blog post. Simmer down. He was always trying to get away on his gay mountain bike (without a helmet, no less) that wasn’t even equipped to handle the undulating hills and dirt roads of Reseda. Get that thing fashioned before you run your Mongoose into the ground.  And then he gets to the apartment complex and has the audacity to BLAME THE BIKE for his black eye when the Cobra Kai inevitably catches up with ‘eem! Look in the mirror brosef! YOU brought this on yourself. I don’t trust teenagers on mountain bikes. Even less so when they wear jorts whilst biking. Daniel San at least didn’t wear jorts. So that counts for something. But my gahhd, watch this scene and roll your eyes:

He gets owned by the Cobra Kai, takes an epic dive down a hill and takes his guido aggression out on a damn mountain bike while his mother looks on. Are you kidding me? And we’re supposed to ROOT for him? TAPP – well, the bike crash was good enough punishment in my book. I would have backed off the Cobra Kai for a few days after that stunt.

4)      The Mr. Miyagi factor. He has a WWII vet/alcoholic bail him out of all his problems. In essence, he had an implied immunity from the Cobra Kai during the second half of the movie due to a Mr. Miyagi WWE-style run-in. Can’t hang out with kids his age cause he already burned his bridges with the ‘establishment’ popular kids after they saw his pathetic display at the soccer tryouts/Halloween party/Spaghetti Formal. Needs to rely on an old chinaman to clear house like ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin at a Royal Rumble. Every single time. Did anyone ever even land a blow to this guy, or did they feel bad that he was old and smelled like almond paste and cheap Cherry Mash bourbon? And then there’s Daniel San cheerleading in the background like the frigging rodent on Jabba The Hut’s shoulder in Star Wars. Pathetic.

5)      And what about LaRusso being duped into clean Miyagi’s house? ‘Muscle Memory’ my ass. A down and out handyman has five cars and a nice rancher and needs help upkeeping the place because nobody wants to work with him cause he’s weird. Cleaning floors, cars, furniture and being a glorified janitor for no pay. That’s what you git, Daniel. You shot for the moon with Ali Mills, she dates you out of pity, and you are slaving for a depressed old man and a seemingly insurmountable language barrier. And this can’t exactly go on your resume when you study Communications at UCLA. ‘Helped neighborhood creeper with his house, but don’t worry he paid me with protection because I’m an arrogant prick who can’t stay out of trouble.’ Can you say ‘career student’ at that point? TAPP – Ya know, throughout the movie there was that recurring scene where the opponent is at their deathbed and the adversary hold a tilted palm out and says ‘Live or die, man’, only to honk their nose. I kinda wish Johnny pulled a Steven Segal and actually finished off Daniel San once and for all, threw his denim jacket over his shoulder, put his arm around Ali Mills, and said something corny like, ‘Let’s ditch this chump-bucket’, fooled around in his Camaro and made her have an abortion six weeks later. Or at least sweep that damn leg. That’s my alternate ending to the movie. And we wouldn’t even need to go through the torture of the sequel.