Anatomy of a 'Trendy'

I've made numerous references to 'trendies' in my posts, mainly because I hate them and find them to be multiplying like gremlins who've been exposed to water. Tonight I aim to shed light on who these people are, where they congregate (sure as hell ain't church), and ways to identify them by their fruits. Think of this is the 'Create-A-Superstar' option in the latest WWE PS3 game.

We're gonna go head to toe, so take notes. Take some Dramamine cause this is gonna be a Tour de Force.

Head shape - boxy, square jaw, pulsating cheekbones. Neck like a stack o' dimes due to impoverishment and constant search for gluten-free and milk-free foods.
Head attire - knitted cap, beret. Non-sports hat with bizarre logo. Indoor scarf around their neck.

"What is a 1st down? Football is for the birds!"

Glasses Type - thick, black-rimmed. Even if they have 20/20 vision. Helps them look and feel smarter.
Build - stringy, muscle-less, lanky, wiry. Probably no chest hair. Basically the body of DJ Qualls.

Torso attire - slim-fit flannel, untucked. Blazer with t-shirt underneath. Turtleneck that flows up to the chin but doesn't touch the neck because trendy is malnourished.
Legs - chicken-like. Hairless. About 5% have leg hair. But that's the bohemian chicks.
Legs attire - tight jeans. Most likely black, but beige tight corduroys would suffice as well.
Political persuasion - liberal. All of them. Ever hear a trendy bloviate on the pitfalls of abortion and gun registries, or even praise Jesus? Yeah me neither.
Favorite sayings - "Thahhht's hilaaaaahhhhrius" (said with a straight face). "Rehhly?" "That's wrong on so many levels."

Type of shoe - Converse. Converse. And maybe some loafers. If you ask them if they got the new Lebrons or Durants, they'd think you were talking about some new indie band. Speaking of which....
Favorite bands - The Killers. Capital Cities (to be fair, my new favorite band so LAY OFF!!!). Muse. Passion Pit. Dashboard Confessional.
Stance on capitalism - hate it. But they'll spin some yarn about how Apple, Google, Starbucks, and Pinkberry are exempt and 'good' companies.
Hangout spots - tree groves, Starbucks, Barnes & Noble, the unemployment line, Occupy protests (remember that colossal failure?), Coachella music festival, Lilith Fair if it were still around ("Adia I doooo believe I failllllled youuuuuu"), and The Burning Man Radical Self-Expression Art Festival (kind of like a metrosexual Bohemian Grove, except instead of global elites/world leaders, we have unemployed trendies).

"OMG Brandon Flowers looked at me HE LOOKED AT ME!!!"

Employment status - 76% unemployment rate among trendies. Useless majors have led them to this quandry. No, 'Starving Artist' doesn't count as a job. Mommy and Daddy usually kick in living expenses to help 'get them through a rough patch.' Still looking for the fictitious 'dream job that they want to fall in love with'. Usually involves schlepping old Rembrandt paintings from art museum to art museum.
Diet - lots of quinoa, goat cheese, fair trade coffee (as if they give a shit), Kashi Bars, Nutella sandwiches washed down with almond milk.

"Ewww I'm not eating a burger. That's dead animal spirits." 

Go-to latte - Iced, Half Caff, Ristretto, Venti, 4-Pump, Sugar Free, 3 Pump Monkey Semen, Cinnamon, Dolce Soy Skinny Latte with AIDS. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Trendy.
Interests - waxing philosophical about how they'd eradicate poverty (cause the ideas of their commie/socialist ilk have worked so well since the beginning of time), trading war stories on how they still haven't been able to sign up for healthcare through the Obamacare website, giving their first blow job at a Passion Pit concert, sharing reviews of the latest over-rated David Sedaris or Michael Chabon book.

"Me? Work on a Friday night? No way, Todd."

Ok that's enough of that.  Trendies aren't bad people. You may actually know some of them. But keep an eye on them. They are the future of our country. The next generation of 'manly men'. The future leaders of our country and stewards of our foreign policy. God help us. 

Assorted January 2014 Ramblings Drive-By

It's January 13th so we can stop wishing each other a happy new year. You've probably quit your diet, are back to yelling at your kids, drinking heavily again, and letting miscellaneous receipts and wrappers litter your Ford Fusion. It's ok, the world needs ditch-diggers.

This entry will probably be a short one, and it's everything I hate about blogs - the whole "random musings/world according to me/things that piss me off" routine. I try to limit them to once a year, but you know what? I put a lot of thought into my posts to make this site unique. I don't post food porn pics, I don't use the phrase 'no filter', and I sure as hell don't post dashboard temperature pics, so please let me take the foot off of the Illuminati accelerator once in a while, mmmkay? Here's some random microcosms pushing the world to the brink of disaster, and why we should probably man up a little bit:

Coffee Splashguards at Starbucks
Starbucks prides itself with being cutting edge and hip, so they've somehow managed to fix something that normal people just sigh dramatically and move on from - coffee splashguards. You know, those green tooth-picky things that prevent coffee droplets from leaking out when you walk. Neat in theory. But unnecessary to devote factory machinery to creating these jawns. Some hipster pussy probably spilled some java on his indoor scarf while texting his mom to come pick him up, got all worked up and complained to management about his inconvenience. I say man up, lick your hands, and move on with your life. They'll probably start charging for these in 12 months, so get them while they're free. Wuss.

Styrofoam Cup Koozies For Iced Coffee
Not sure where this started, but I've seen it a ton since 2011 in Massachusetts (where I grew up). Basically it's no longer safe to have a plastic cup of iced coffee at Dunkin Donuts. You need to protect your little vagina hands with a styrofoam cup so that the coldness from the iced coffee doesn't make them chilly and wet. Is your 1st world lifestyle so hard that you can't tough out a refreshing drink? Can you handle life? Do you stay home from work if there is frost out cause your shoes might get damp and it might feel uncomfortable? When you have AIDS and you live in the Serengeti and wild monkeys peck at your guts while you sleep in your hut made out of your own shit, THEN maybe it warrants the cashier handing you an empty styrofoam cup, probably because she feels bad for you cause of the whole AIDS/shit-hut mumbo jumbo. But seriously, tough it out. Troops are dying in the Middle East for your freedoms. [NSA - you're probably reading this since I'm on some red list - did I sell the whole 'freedoms/troops/dying' propaganda line correctly?]

Obsession with 'Hump-Day'
My mind is still boggled that we are useless/lifeless slobs on Monday, count down to Friday, and give ourselves a mid-week pick me up in the form of celebrating Wednesday as 'Hump Day'. This is your life until you retire, assholes. Get used to it. People work five or six or seven days a week. Mondays universally suck, but you get through them because it could be worse (see above A/SH example). Fridays don't always mean early release and no work until Monday morning. And why the eff are you celebrating Wednesday? Is it that hard to progress through a week of work? Maybe you should leave the DMV if it is so stressful for you. Maybe being a corporate stiff isn't all it's cracked up to be for you and your dumb ass xxxxxxxx degree (again, don't want to offend any readers who may have not chosen a wise major in school). If I had an employee who bitched about Mondays, waxed philosophical about the wonders of Wednesday Hump-Day, and from Thursday morning onward kept verbalizing a need for it to be Friday, I would fire the shit out of them, because they are probably chronic complainers, incapable of stepping up their game, working late, hitting a deadline, etc. Fiiiiine I wouldn't fire them. Instead I'd beat them to death with their OWN keyboard, and then for fun stick Keurig K-Cups up their asshole (Tully's Italian Roast and Donut Shop Blend in case you're wondering).

Injury-Prone Athletes
After watching all of the NFL games this weekend, I noticed an emerging trend - people get injured a lot easier these days. The games were stopped literally every five minutes so some non-conditioned slob could limp off the field with a WRIST injury. Stingers, ankle tweaks, concussions from projectile missile-ing yourself into your opponents neck - there were more bodies on the field this week than the Battle of Antietam during the Civil War. As a Pats fan, I get to deal with Rob Gronkowski getting injured every other game, and Seahawks fans got to see Percy Harvin injured for the 54th time in ten weeks. You can't trust these guys to stay healthy. A huge part of me is petrified that Julian Edelman will sprain a couple digits finger-blasting some Dorchester hoodrat at a Boston nightclub and we'll get smoked by the Broncos. Same with baseball players. You run to first MAYBE five times max in a game, so just don't injure yourself running straight. And you get a ball hit to you in the outfield MAYBE ten times a game, so just don't injure yourself looking up at the sky for a ball. Boggles my mind how you can get paid that much money for your athletic skill yet you are a dainty fuck who can't handle a hangnail.

Hsssss.....ahhhhhhhh........hsssss..ahhhhhhhhhhh

No Sense of Urgency at Redbox
I've vented about this on Facebook before (I think people were too busy having a life to comment), but Redbox protocol is extremely important in a post-Blockbuster world. You need to go in with a strategy - either 1) Know what you want, thumb through the selection, pick your format, and get out of dodge, 2) Loosely know what genre you are looking for, so you can weed out the riff-raff movies or 3) Get away from the Redbox kiosk. There's no gender-specific trends, I just see an assortment of buffoons who are unsure, unprepared, and quite frankly, unwelcome at my Redbox. Wallet should be out (easier for guys, women tend to act surpised at any checkout line when it's time to actually pay for the shit they just got, thumb through their purse, take time out of everyone else's day, etc), select should be made, and hand should be on the dispenser. Get your kids the hell away from making a selection, get off the damn cellphone, don't forget a medium to pay for the movie, and don't just be standing there 'seeing what's ayout' because I actually have a tactical gameplan. Thanks, I can breathe now.

Honorable Mention: "Keep Calm And xxxxxxxxxx" shirts. Just stop. Please.

Glad I got these gripes out of my system. So many more and so little time, but we can table that until February's ramblings. Pats 63 Broncos 59. Seahawks 27 Niners 17.

What To Watch Out For In 2014 (Fear-Mongoring)

Happy 2014 to all of my readers (I think we're up to six now, five of which are web-bot related). Wanted to do a quick brain dump of big-ticket items coming down the pike this year given the tumultuousity of 2013 (yeah I made that word up, but just deal with it). 2012 was the Mayan fake-out, 2013 was the table-setting, and 2014 is the main course. We saw a lot of central planning manipulations, false flags, scandals, and out in the open deception from our leadership. Congress stooped to new lows (6% approval rating, but with the usual 90% re-election rate from the knuckle-dragging American sheeple come voting time). Expect a deeper descent into tyranny in the new year, with a naked sprint across the finish line by the Obama admin.

Just to be honest and consistent, I had done a post last year about what to look for in 2013. Link below:

http://trouserapes.blogspot.com/2013/01/weekly-fear-mongoring-scary-global.html

This was all based on research I had done across all of the alternative media space, blogosphere, and financial analysts that I read up on. I love reading this stuff, so don't think I'm trying to be some armchair Nostradamus - this is fun for me to postulate on. And I was off-base on a lot of items. I totally overestimated the Sandy Hook response by Congress, and luckily the looming 'gun confiscation' did not take place. The Democrats got nowhere with their gun control legislation, so it's back to the drawing board for them. Gold and Silver suffered a 30%+ loss in 2013, and I thought the opposite was going to happen. It appears the paper shorts have been weighing down the value of precious metals, while actual physical ownership has gone through the roof in hoarding nations like China, Russia, and India. Yet only 5% of Americans own some type of precious metal. I underestimated the Obamacare disaster and just thought of it in terms of job losses. It's a million times worse than anyone every imagined. Additionally, there wasn't a credit downgrade nor was there an attack on Iran. More of a can-kick in my book. Still going to happen before 2015 is out.

I had some victories, though. I was on-point with Syrian government being blamed for a false flag chemical attack perpetrated by rebels or Al Qaeda, the predictable establishment GOP pussy-out on the government shutdown (Ted Cruz - keep up the good work!), and the continued growth of the BRIC nations, who will ultimately launch a gold-backed currency that knocks the USD from it's perch as reserve currency. Our foreign treasuries investors (China, Japan, Brazil), as expected, leveled off their investments and China has stated they will begin to unwind over time. Also, I made reference to further expatriation requests and physical gold demand increasing, and sho' nuff, it did. More banking institutions are starting to settle in cash when folks ask for their gold back. JP Morgan's NYC HQ (you know the one with the gold vault and tunnel to the NY Fed?) SOLD to a mega Chinese real estate conglomerate. Read between the lines on that one. Food stamp usage DID approach the 50 million mark, and expect it to surpass that figure in 2014. Finally, the rumor of martial law always persists each year if the right emergency springs up. Well, did you notice what happened in the suburbs of Boston in April after the Marathon Bombing? What? You were too busy chanting 'USA! USA!'? That's a microcosm of 2014-2015. More on that later. So let's get into it - here is a list of headlines before they happen. The bullet points are short and sweet, but let them serve as an 'accountability checklist' to measure my level of tinfoil-hat syndrome. If I'm wrong, well, then don't read the blog. If I'm right, then reevaluate your hatred of alternative media.

New Year's Eve 2013

2014 - The Year of the Deposit/Pension Confiscation
The biggest story to keep an eye on in 2014 (outside of the Obamacare abortion) is YOUR bank account and pension/retirement accounts. This is the year deposit confiscations become widespread. 2013 was the table-setting as we saw Cyprus hit with a deposit bail-in, Poland had a STEEP pension 'overhaul'/grab, and Detroit filed for bankruptcy, culminating in up to an 80% pension haircut. This is just the beginning. Order of confiscation: 1) state/federal pensions 2) bank deposits 3) 401/retirement accounts. In the aftermath of Cyprus, the IMF has crafted the bail-in as the new standardized template for legalized ROBBERY of YOUR bank accounts. If you hear the words 'bail-in', 'haircut', 'unsecured creditor', 'debt restructuring', RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!! You are no longer officially a 'depositor' anymore according to your bank. As of 2013, you became an 'unsecured creditor'. If your bank becomes insolvent, it can take your money (oh, but it will convert your portion into worthless bank shares). Imagine a 10%-20% hit to your savings. Or 40%-60% to your accumulated pension. THAT will become commonplace in 2014.

Nothing to see here, sheeple. Everything's fine.

Russia vs. Saudi Arabia
2014 began with successive terrorist attacks in Volgograd by Chechen rebels. This was a message sent by Saudi Arabia from Prince Bandar Bin Sultan (head of Saudi Intel), who is still pissed off that Russia brokered a last second deal to avert war in Syria this past fall and continues to support the Iran regime. Harken his quote to Putin from last summer - “I can give you a guarantee to protect the Winter Olympics in the city of Sochi on the Black Sea next year. The Chechen groups that threaten the security of the games are controlled by us.”

Guess what's coming up in a few weeks? The Sochi Olympics! Keep an eye on this development. Saudi Arabia has all but severed diplomatic ties with America at this point, and Russia continues to thwart globalist plans for a Qatari pipeline through Syria. Look for the plot to thicken in 2014. Remember - Russia is Globalist Enemy #1 - Cyprus was the first shot fired (that's where Russian oligarchs plop their assets).

Treasury Yield Explosion
The downward spiral of the US dollar continued in 2013. On May 2nd, the 10 yr treasury yield was 1.63%. By year-end, it was almost doubled at around 3%. That means demand for US treasuries has decreased considerably. A higher yield means higher consumer and business loans, as well as mortgage rates. It also means the US Treasury needs to pay a higher interest rate to attract investors. Our main investor now is the Federal Reserve, since China has maxed out it's investment, and Japan is literally melting (more on that later). Did I mention our current debt is over $17 trillion? Still think quantitative easing and sustained deficit entitlement spending is a brilliant idea? I am expecting 10 year yields to approach 4% by year-end, causing a nervous frenzy in Washington as they plot sleazy ways to spin this utter rejection of the United States and its toilet paper fiat currency.

The End of the Gold Smackdown
The assumption now is that the worst of the gold/silver smackdown is over. I wrote last year about how the metals were artificially taken down through paper derivatives that put downward pressure on the actual metals prices (more than 30% losses in 2013). This seems to be winding down as legal attention has been paid to the matter and investors are starting to wake up. Also, JPM is getting out of the precious metals derivatives market (and they were a prime manipulator), see also above reference to the sale of its NYC HQ to China. Gold and Silver will explode once a dollar crises emerges or some other worse scenario. Expect gold back up to $1700 and silver back up to $30 by year-end.

The Dreaded Cyber-attack
As ex-Department of Homeland Security director Janet Napolitano exited government for academia this summer, she left a warning to her eventual replacement Jeh Johnson to expect a serious cyber-attack at some point. We have seen this in the news throughout 2013 whether it was a big bank, NASDAQ, Living Social, Target, Walmart EBT glitches, or any other large company with YOUR personal information, cyber attacks are on the rise. Our biggest attacks have come from China, Russia, Iran, and North Korea. They keep getting worse and worse. I've mentioned the deposit confiscations above, but what if there is a false flag attack that wipes out EVERYONE'S savings? This would link bail-ins, cyber-attacks, and martial law into one orgasmic globalist power play. Expect an increase in the severity of these attacks in 2014.

What The Eff Is Up With Fukushima?
I'll tell you what's up - RADIATION LEVELS. They never 'fixed' anything. This is one of the biggest government cover-ups in history. Well that radiation has spread to the West Coast. Radiation levels have SPIKED, folks in the cleanup efforts are now DEAD or DYING, fish are showing up all wonky-like in the Pacific Ocean, Cesium-137 levels are multiples over the appropriate limits, and oh-by-the-way, THIS little nugget came out last week: our government has just ordered 14 million doses of potassium iodide for the end of January to help minimize impacts from radiation poisoning. No emergency declared!!! Yayyy!!!! And Japanese scientist David Suzuki has been quoted as saying one more heavy earthquake near the Daiichi reactor would mean curtains for Japan and hellfire and brimstone for the West Coast United States. But don't worry - this shouldn't impact your reality TV lineup. Keep an eye on this, especially if you are on the West Coast.

Other stories to watch-out for:
China vs. Japan over the Senkaku Islands - worthless islands that these countries will go to war over. Don't get it but too important to ignore.
BRICS Currency - expect increased bilateral trade agreements, more abandonment of the petrodollar, more movement of gold from West to East to help launch this currency as a stable USD alternative.
Obamacare Collapse - as I wrote last year, Obamacare will wreck the economy. Expect sticker shock 1st quarter 2014 for patients, and reimbursement shock in 2nd quarter 2014 for doctors. Then the next boom lowers in the form of corporations drastically increasing plan prices going into 2015 and kicking spouses/kids off your work plan into the healthcare marketplace. All this designed to put insurance agencies out of business to pave way for eventual single-payer system.
Stock Market Collapse - Dow is around 16,500 right now - red flags are all over the place that this bubble is ready to pop. Anyone who saw the 2008 collapse sees the same exuberance this time around. I think we max out at 17k and the large-scale market correction begins. Late summer expect a redux of 2008. 2014 is the Shit Hit The Fan (SHTF) year.
Amnesty - Expect 19 million new amnestied individuals once Congress sells out the American people (again). Comprehensive immigration reform will pass mid-year, enraging the general populace.
Bitcoin - the first great digital currency has had an interesting ride so far, trading between $50 and $1000 in the past 12 months. So tough to predict, but more and more establishments are accepting Bitcoin as a means of payment. But then the next day some large country will ban Bitcoin transactions. I say this catches on and Bitcoin hits $10,000 at some point in late 2014.
Israel/Palestine Peace Deal - something meaningful will be signed in the summer after fruitful April meetings, and the term 'framework' will be tossed around like a baseball. There will be a tie-in with Palestinian statehood. Beware any '7 Year Peace Treaty', though, as that portends some biblical shit is about to get real.
Pope Francis - keep an eye on his statements. I actually like him so far, except his foolish anti-capitalism statements, which made him sound like some Starving Artist/Occupy Wall Street/brainless/low-information voting liberal. Beware the spiritual or political figure that achieves early rockstar status. I've already written that he is the prophesied 'Petrus Romanus' (112th and FINAL Pope according to 12th century seer St. Malachi). I think he's going to try and unite Christians and Muslims into some diluted 'Chrislam' religion and he could become an assassination target by some hard-line parishioner (God forbid, of course). Pray for his continued safety and humble spirit.

Damn that's a busy year, and it's only the first week of January! I honestly don't care if I'm right or wrong, especially with the bad stuff. We are wayyyyy overdue for some crazy shit to go down. The world is being run by Luciferian globalists. It's time we pushed back. Well, you guys can push back, I'll hang out here in the shadows with my seltzer water.....