What's the Best Way To Survive Multiple Watergates? Start a War.

So needless to say, it's been a wild week for the Obama administration. Should we expect anything less from a guy whose personal intimidation political tactics actually have their own wiki page? (see 'Chicago Style Politics' - the art of demonizing opponents with untrue personal attacks). Karma just bit this guy in the ass. Scandal after scandal has befallen The Anointed One and we're only four months into the second term. I'm enjoying every minute of it.

Even the media, who've had their lips around his phallus since Inauguration 2009, are starting to turn on him. Some notable quotes from Lockstep Liberals:

Piers Morgan, virulent anti-gun CNN mouthpiece - “I’ve had some of the pro-gun lobbyists on here, saying to me, ‘Well, the reason we need to be armed is because of tyranny from our own government,’ and I’ve always laughed at them,' I said, ‘Don’t be ridiculous! Your government won’t turn itself on you. …But, actually, this is vaguely tyrannical behavior by the American government.”

Chris Matthews, MSNBC host who infamously got a tingle up his leg when Obama got elected (I guess his erection is now flaccid?) - "What part of the presidency does Obama like? He doesn't like dealing with other politicians — that means his own cabinet, that means members of the Congress, either party. He doesn't particularly like the press. What part does he like?. He likes going on the road, campaigning, visiting businesses like he does every couple days somewhere in Ohio or somewhere. [But] what part does he like? He doesn't like lobbying for the bills he cares about. ... He doesn't seem to like being an executive.”

Jon Stewart - Daily Show host and staunch Obama supporter. Having 12 writers and 'yelling' occasionally to drive a point home isn't typically funny or brilliant in my book, but....well....this clip says it all:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuRTUdo5V84

In case you have had your head in the sand or are too distracted by the revolving door of American Idol judges, here's a quick rundown of the existing scandals 'on the table' against Barack Hussein Obama:

1) Solyndra - green company that manufactures photovoltaic solar panels, touted as the future of green energy. Got $535m of the 2009 Stimulus Package, despite not having a viable business plan. Filed for bankruptcy in 2011. Posterchild for government picking green 'winners and losers' and other pointless stimulus spending. Less of a 'scandal' so much as 'your green energy plan is doomed to fail but let's throw money at it to make it look like we are environmentally friendly.'

2) Fast and Furious - Launched in 2009 by Department of Justice in collaboration with the DEA, ATF, and FBI. Expanded program from the Bush years (to be fair) as a means of identifying and eliminating arms trafficking networks (these guns would be clandestinely tracked to Mexican drug cartels). Also known as 'Gun-Walking'. We basically give guns to 'straw purchasers' and they provide them to drug cartels so we can see where they are going. Not to mention how fruitless the purposely continued 'War on Drugs' has gone. Of course, when the Obama administration gets involved, people die and the process doesn't work properly. Up to 1700 weapons have been lost in this useless exercise, and 100 have turned up at crime scenes, including the death of a border patrol agent. That's where the 'scandal' part comes from. In typical administration fashion, both Holder and Obama deny knowing ANYTHING about it, actual timelines of known communications be damned. Side note - these are some of the same guns these clowns want banned in the US. Keep that in mind.

3) Benghazi - liberals hate when conservatives bring up Benghazi. They try to get cute and point to all of the Embassy bombings of the Bush years, throw their hands up and say, 'Well how come nobody made a big deal out of those?' Cause they fall under the 'shit happens' category, and no one tried to deny the nature of the terrorist attack. Obama and his cronies did. Remember, Obama personally killed Bin Laden, right? So the war on terror was obviously won and Al Qaeda was scattered to the wolves and running in fear, right? In the middle of a reelection campaign, the last thing this guy needs is a terrorist attack to contradict the narrative that we were winning the battle against terrorism. So they lied about the nature of the attack. They blamed it on a youtube movie that was available online since June 2012. The #2 government agent in Libya (and whistleblower) Gregory Hicks has said the video was a complete NON-ISSUE in Libya. It was known and nobody gave a shit. So we can go back and forth, say who knew what when (answer - as it was unfolding, the administration gave the stand-down order). But I'm more concerned about WHY Ambassador Stevens was there. Benghazi was a compound on loan to the US from an affluent family in Libya. It was not even technically a 'consulate' so much as a 'CIA house-sitting' operation to funnel weapons from the Libyan rebels to the Syrian uprising. The same guns that this administration wants to ban were being filtered through the Benghazi compound and Ambassador Christopher Stevens was overseeing it. And guess who doesn't like the Syrian government and has embedded themselves among the ranks of the Syrian rebels? AL QAEDA elements!!!!! News got out that he got cold feet and the rest was history. Cute trendy liberals - that type of storyline was not present in any of the Embassy attacks during the Bush years. That's why the government is covering this up. Betcha didn't know that! Hell, I would cover it up, too. PS - Obama had time to call an NBA player coming out of the closet, but not some Marines/Navy Seals to save an ambassador. And a gay ambassador at that - hows that for liking gay people?

4) IRS Targeting Conservative Groups - this has been the hottest issue of the week, since it shows the depravity of the administration to silence opposition. First and foremost, to be even-handed (chuckle), the Bush administration targeted NAACP, Greenpeace, and a handful of liberal groups back in 2004 with a less comprehensive IRS strong-arming. It was so horrible that the liberal media didn't even pick up on it. Fast-forward to 2013 - we are now finding out that for the past year the DOJ and the administration knew all about the IRS targeting of conservative/Tea Party groups. They've now blamed over 500 targets as the work of two rogue low-level analysts in Cincinnati, OH. I'd LOVE to work with fresh college graduates that are that productive, and in government, no less! Pastor James Dobson, Franklin Graham, Fox News host Eric Boller, Glen Beck, Mitt Romney supporters like billionaire Sheldon Adelson, various Tea Party groups, and countless others. In fact, the IRS' biggest union ('National Treasury Employees Union') has historically donated to Democrats over Republicans (strangely enough, this graph applies to the existing ratio of liberal to conservative journalists in the media as well):

The IRS would try to add additional layers of scrutiny to formerly simple applications, such as holding up tax-exempt status, asking for donor lists, ask what people were praying about, and basically harassing groups that had obnoxious ideals like 'adhering to the constitution', 'limiting government debt', 'believing in God/Jesus Christ's divinity' and 'making America a better place to live'. Liberals hate the Constitution and 'limiting government debt' as much as they hate Jesus and non-aborted babies, so naturally groups who advocate these positions must be scrutinized intensely. Expect this scandal to grow in the coming days. The latest scandal emerging is the confiscation of 60 million  medical records for 10 million Americans. And one more thing - the woman that was in charge during the Tea Party targeting is going to be heading up the IRS division in charge of administering.....you guessed it......OBAMACARE!!!!! Whatever, this country voted for it. I want us to stew in our own fecal matter.

5) AP Phone Scandal - Two months of Associated Press phone records have been snatched by the DOJ/White House. Word has it that It is believed that the DOJ seized the records to investigate sources of a news story for when the U.S. foiled an attempt to put a bomb on a plane on the anniversary of Osama bin Laden’s death last year.There was back and forth between the AP and the CIA to ensure talking points were adequately communicated and that stories were straight. Apparently someone in the administration wasn't comfortable with the narrative, and the records needed to get seized under the radar. The reporters weren't aware that this was being done. I'm shocked. This was such a big deal, Attorney General Eric Holder said the following - “I’ve been a prosecutor since 1976, and I have to say that this is among, if not the most serious – it’s in the top two or three – most serious leaks that I’ve ever seen. It put the American people at risk. And that is not hyperbole.” In fact it was SOOO super duper important that.....Barack Obama found out about the above the same time as the rest of us stiffs. Just like every other issue. But those that question the government are conspiracy theorists, right? Cause government always tells the truth, right?

So in light of reading all that, just understand this - amazingly, miraculously, remarkably - Barack Obama will not be impeached. Guaranteed. No way in hell the first sitting black president will get thrown out. And quite frankly, I don't care at this point. I actually don't mind Joe Biden, but my lack of desire to see Obama impeached centers around my ongoing desire to see the country go down in flames as soon as possible, since that's the only way this once great nation reclaims the mantle of supremacy. We need an economic implosion, dollar collapse, complete nosedive so we can fix our debt problems, reform entitlements, reform defense, reform the tax code, reform our horrible two-party government to stop screwing up and hurting MY children's future. I get it - he's a black guy that talks pretty and thinks big. You felt guilty about NOT voting for him. You fell for the whole imaginary war on women routine, we actually talked about birth control and rape in national debates, and anyone with money was labeled a tax-avoiding evil rich person. But it was so awesome the last four years, so why not recreate the magic? Thanks, assholes.

Look, Hillary Clinton is winning in 2016, that is if Obama isn't our dictator and our Constitution has been suspended due to the collapse of our society (resulting in cancellation of elections - it can happen, folks, albeit doubtful). Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Chris Christie are all great, but they're not winning in 2016. I hate saying it, but its the reality. Too many government-dependent zombies lumbering around to overcome. Too many Republicans morphing into talking human vaginas on the stage and playing Mr. Nice Guy and refusing to hit their opponent with facts about their record in a forceful way. So how does Obama survive the next three and a half years if he has all this scandal right now? Real simple - all he has to do is start a war. And lucky for him, the ball is already in the Red Zone.

There will be resolution to the Syria and Iran hostilities between now and the end of Obama's presidency. He will be forced to make decisions about how tactical the military strikes will be, how much of our armed forces to send over, how many Al Qaeda 'rebels' to give machine guns to (just kidding - he's already made that decision), and what to do in the aftermath. As I've mentioned in previous posts, Syria needs to fall before we hit Iran. The rhetoric with Israel already reached a fever pitch, to the point where Israel is already attacking in and around Damascus. There's also the three isolated reports of chemical weapons being used by Assad's army (or is it the rebels? Nobody knows anymore!). These were 'gamechangers' to the Obama administration and he's promised to act when all of the information is available. Of course, he's no man of his word and the 'red lines' keep changing once they are crossed. Now Russia is getting re-involved in the region, supplying key weaponry to Assad, to the annoyance of Israel. President Putin met with Israel PM Benyamin Netanyahu to basically say (in Russian, vodka probably on his breath) - "Stay the hell out of Syria, or we're going to have a big problem." Netanyahu's probably thinking, "Cool story, bro, but we're going to do what we need to do to, you know, NOT GET WIPED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH by the 12/13 angry muslim nations surrounding it. Syria's and Iran's proxy (Hezbullah) has been waiting for the next go-ahead to start striking of the Israeli border. Now Syria has threatened to hit Tel Aviv if they get hit by another Israeli missile. Two years into the conflict and 80,000+ civilians dead, we are starting to see things ramp up. Perfect time for the United States to get involved since our ass is basically numb from sitting on the bench for so long (I got the same feeling when I played freshman baseball).

Arming the rebels can only get us so far. I'm all about not sending our troops in, but Obama is starting to realize what happens when you are the world's police force. The US gets sucked into EVERYTHING. Bush gets bashed for being too pre-emptive, and Obama gets heat for doing the opposite. These guys can't win. Cue crocodile tears. But Bush and Obama don't serve the American people, they serve the bankers and global elites who put them in office. Obama's job is to install the Muslim Brotherhood in as many Middle Eastern governments as possible. It worked in Egypt, will work in Libya, will work in Syria, and will work in any other country outside of Iran. The Islamic Caliphate will be reborn and terrorism will magically disappear from the earth. But his most IMPORTANT job is to preserve the petrodollar.

Now I was never one of those 'war for oil' folks because to my knowledge, we, uhhh, never benefited from Iraqi oil, nor did that great Afghani pipeline that Michael Moore rambles about in Fahrenheit 9/11 come to fruition. HOWEVER, the currency of oil trade NEEDS to be the US dollar. The second that stops happening, it's curtains for our once great nation. Saudi Arabia and its dying king are the only ones holding that contract together. Iraq wanted to decouple from the petrodollar ('settling of oil trade in US-denominated terms') in the 90's and '00's and was stopped. Libya wanted to decouple from the dollar a few years back and BOOM they're suddenly on our radar (we know what happened after that). Iran has become the first crack in that agreement as they are now settling in gold and other currencies in lieu of the US dollar. So they're on our shit list. This past week, we have upped our sanctions to include, effective July 1st, the banishment of any other country engaging in any gold trade with Iran's government or civilians. This stops the non-petrodollar scheme dead in its tracks under the guises of 'putting pressure on their nuclear weapons program'. So Turkey and UAE have been put on notice. Russia and China wait in the background, rolling their eyes and dying to help out Iran move on from the petrodollar. Afterall, they are avoiding USD like the plague as well, as they hope to launch their own BRICSA (Brazil, Russia, India, China, South Africa) banking system and currency as a replacement when the US dollar dies in the next few years. Call it conspiracy, but follow the news you Doubting Thomases and it will all make sense.

So here's the dilly - Obama needs to step up his action in Syria to bring down the Assad government. He's already given money and weaponry (again, those pesky guns that Obama wants banned in the US through Ambassador/Chief Gun-Runner Christopher Stevens) to Syrian rebels/Al Qaeda, who throw innocent mail service employees off the tops of buildings, chemical-tip weaponry to use against the government, execute random citizens firing-squad style, rip the hearts out of dead Syrian Army members and bite them (all of these are on youtube by the way), and other grotesque things. To be consistent, we did the same thing in the late 70's/early 80's during the Iran/Iraq war, and the Russia/Afghanistan squabbles. Lots of losers over there, you simply pick the lesser of both evils AT THE TIME. I think Obama will ratchet up his rebel support and then agree to send NATO troops in to quell the civil unrest that materializes. But Israel will do most of the dirty work. Little twist coming up here - I've mentioned my interest in Bible Prophecy for the past sixteen years, and we are on the precipice major events unfolding.

First and foremost, the lynchpin from Isiaiah 17:1- “Behold, Damascus will cease from being a city,

And it will be a ruinous heap." The latest attack from Israel last week was rumored to be a low grade tactical nuke/bunker buster. They have the weaponry, they have the desire, and they will ultimately press the button to nuke Damascus to make it uninhabitable for years to come if Syria touches Tel Aviv (which was just threatened this week). We also have Jeremiah 49:24-27 - "Damascus has grown feeble; She turns to flee, And fear has seized her. Anguish and sorrows have taken her like a woman in labor. Why is the city of praise not deserted, the city of My joy? Therefore her young men shall fall in her streets, And all the men of war shall be cut off in that day,” says the Lord of hosts. “I will kindle a fire in the wall of Damascus, And it shall consume the palaces of Ben-Hadad.” So Damascus appears to also be on the shit list.

All of the nations of the war mentioned in Ezekiel 38-39 are involved in the Syria conflict as we speak. Turkey will have a prominent role as they amass troops from Ethiopia, Libya, Afghanistan, Iraq, Jordan, and the Sudan on the Syrian border. Turkey ('Magog, Meshech, and Tubal') is in fact commanding the Free Syria Army (the main opposition to Assad) and embracing its role as a resurgent country leading a major potential war. The last piece to fall on the chessboard is Iran ('Persia'). Russia ('Rosh') is even mentioned as a country who will have a 'hook placed in its jaws' and drawn to the Israel/Syria region. All of the events are unfolding at a rapid place, and there exists one big holding pattern until some large flare-up occurs. That's where we are right now, and one decision from Barack Obama can get all of his opposition off his back and distract the easily tricked American public with a Middle East war. I like to call it 'World War 3' but that's just me. Don't feel bad for the man - he wanted this job. He railed against GOP warmongers now its his chance to show us how peace-loving he can be in the face of potential catastrophe as Syrian chemical weapons get deployed and the big cahuna Iran develops nukes. These are interesting times we live in. To quote the great words of Terrell Owens - 'Git yo popcorn ready'.

As always, feel free to disagree. Just don't sound like an 8th grader who just emerged from an enriching History class. Those people tend to get schooled. Until next time, my precious three readers.....

Some Uncomfortable Developments in the Boston Marathon Bombing

It's been about a month since the Boston Marathon Bombing, and the official story has changed about as many times as the Benghazi talking points (so like 12x). Now that rational thinking has returned, I think its high time we reviewed some of the stranger parts ('inconsistencies') that got intentionally downplayed by the media. This may make some people uncomfortable, but that's my M.O. in life - making others feel uncomfortable. Plus, if this info offends you then you've got bigger problems than I do.

Those that know me are going to say, "Oh shit, there he goes - he's gonna call Boston a False Flag, staged event by our government, just like 9/11 and every event on earth. He's taking a dump on those three fatalities and the 200 maimed victims." I'm not going to do that, because the facts are still flying in and I like watching the government squirm as they change their story. But before you read any further, remember the cache of legislation and actions that we were able to launch within two years of 9/11:

1) War with Iraq
2) War with Afghanistan
3) Patriot Act/Money laundering legislation
4) Creation of Department of Homeland Security (DHS)
5) Creation of Transportation Security Administration (TSA)
6) Legislation on wiretapping
7) $5 trillion to date in spending related to 9/11 and the military industrial complex

Regardless of whether or not the government knows of event ahead of time or not, they ALWAYS exploit it to advance their agenda. As former Chief of Staff for the Obama administration Rahm Emmanuel once exclaimed, "Never let a crisis go to waste." Now, I'm not a member of the Truther crowd (yet), as I think Muslim extremists truly hate us because of our Israel policy, and hate the US because of our 'sinful ways' (success, hard work, innovation. not throwing rocks at Jews). I fell into the emotion of 2001, having emotional outbursts the day of the event against Muslims. I voted for Bush twice, defended every move in Iraq and Afghanistan, and thought the GOP could do no wrong with their foreign policy and that to disagree with them made you anti-American. I now realize that both parties are puppets for the globalists, and that I was a useful idiot (blame it on college I guess?). I also know that the government has declassified documents from 1962 that were proposed as legislation to the Kennedy administration under the name 'Operation Northwoods'. This called for a series of 'false flag' attacks planted by the CIA in and around Cuba, so that we could frame them as a means of invading the island nation. Any government that could propose this is somewhat diabolical in my book. Think what you will.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Northwoods

Here's a PDF snapshot of the document (as proof it existed, juicy content above on the wiki link):

Other numerous events are rumored to have been staged in recent history, including Hitler's Reichstag Fire, which basically forced Germany to surrender its civil liberties and suspend its constitution. The rest was history. We also had Pearl Harbor, in which the US had already intercepted codes months in advance and knew the exact timing of the attack, but needed it to happen as a means of entering WWII. Killing 6 million Jews wasn't enough for a President to enter a war, but you touch Hawaii - we're gonna get you, sucka!!!!! Other examples listed in this nice summary:

http://911review.com/articles/anon/false_flag_perations.html

So keeping that all in mind, I will now delve into some of the suspicious details that have come to light. Doesn't mean I think the CIA's fingerprints are all over this, but separate your emotions from the reports for a few minutes and open your porous brain.

1) The FBI knew about these assholes for 2-5 years

Does that information concern any of you? They were on an FBI Watchlist but were never caught for doing anything 'untoward' or suspicious. Well how did they get on that list in the first place? It's now becoming well known that Tamerlan visited Dagestan for six months in 2011, and was taken by the Radical Islamist 'ways' that had taken root over there. His mother has now said that the FBI has been in touch with their family for five years, tracking internet sites and monitoring interactions. But wait, it gets better - apparently he re-entered the country because of a clerical error. His name was misspelled on the documentation and he slipped through the cracks. This is the same FBI that needs annual budget increases to fight terror but can't get its own story straight. They badly need you to help them identify who these terrorists are......even though they are on their own Watchlist! Russia tried to warn us multiple times about these cats, but it fell on deaf ears. If a country knee-deep in KGB crookedness tells you to worry about somebody, you listen. Nope. We're good. Bin Laden is dead and Al Qaeda is on the run. My ass.

Additionally, the 'pressure cooker' bombs that were used are eerily similar to the makeup of some of the Afghanistan-based terror 'weapons of choice'. These guys are OBVIOUSLY part of a wider group that is being protected. For us to buy the line 'Oh no, we definitely worked alone....we just think the US has too many sinners, yeah that's the ticket'. Not only were they on the FBI radar, but they also received about $100k in benefits from our welfare system. The FBI watched Tamerlan become more and more radicalized over the years, somehow overlooked him getting tossed from his own mosque for being too out there, was cool with him never working despite being on a visa (while his wife slaved for 80 hours a week) and dressing in really expensive Italian designer clothes. Nope, nothing to see here, folks. Business as usual - hey, go out and help us solve this murder mystery we have nooooo clue who these suspects could beeeeee! BTW - give us more money in our budget, these sequester cuts will only make our jobs harder. How else can we ignore sleeper cell militants in favor of Tea Party law-abiding citizens to investigate?  

2) Why is there always a drill/exercise within a very short distance of an 'attack'?

From Oklahoma City to the Twin Towers in 1993 to the Twin Towers on 9/11 and the Pentagon on 9/11 to the London Bombings to the Madrid Bombings to the Aurora Shootings to the Sandy Hook Shootings to the Boston Bombings to the Waco Fertilizer Explosion and more than 60 other examples....the common denominator is that there are always military and local law enforcement 'preparedness' drills being run in the SAME area at the SAME time testing the SAME event that actually occurs. One or two could be explained away as a coinkeedink, but over sixty in the past twenty years is unacceptable. Let alone the 'government patsies' like the Underwear Bomber, who was seen by MULTIPLE witnesses being escorted onto the plane departing Amsterdam by agents while he was in a drugged-up state. Or James Holmes' apartment being found with $20,000 of military-grade equipment that only high level personnel have access to (he was also a participant in the secret MKUltra government program. Look it up some time.

The premise is simple - have the drill go 'live' during an preparedness exercise, so that everybody is already focused on the mission - help the survivies and finger the culprit (whether or not they actually did it). A select few know what's coming, but most of the participants in the drill have no clue what's happening behind the scenes - they're just doing their job. The perpetrator is usually a CIA asset (James Holmes, the Tsarnaev brothers, Underwear Bomber, the 19 Saudi hij-....ok you get my point). Where do you think the Tsarnaev's got their money? The expensive lifestyle that they were rumored to have obtained in their ten years in the US? Nonstop welfare benefits despite being on an FBI 'watch' list? Either through terrorist connections or they were double agents of some sort. Like Bin Laden in the early 1980's. They're all hired guns to advance a narrative or influence public opinion to curtail civil liberties or restrict gun ownership. So what was going on the same day as the Boston Marathon? Ding ding ding - a couple preparedness drills!!!

Now, I'd normally expect beefed-up security at post-9/11 events, but numerous reports show a higher than normal presence of bomb-sniffing dogs and rooftop personnel around the finish line. Mass-casualty tablet devices were rolled out for the first time at an event of this magnitude to upload patient information in advance of an emergency hospital visit. A well-known account by University of Mobile cross country coach Ali Stevenson talked of repeated announcements of tests and 'not to be alarmed'. There is a 12:53 tweet from the Boston Globe (which could be referring to Kennedy Library, to be fair) stating that a bomb would be detonated as part of a planned event. Mind you, the real bombs went off at 2:49 pm, so at the very least more questions should be asked - if it's debunked, so be it, drills were still in effect that day. But the main premise holds - throw off public with hundreds of 'drills to test preparedness for event x' and strategically go live with 'event x' while the personnel are there. Below is a synopsis of the various planned drills over the years - and magically an event happening of the same nature of what was being planned:

Again, some of these could be coincidences and could very well have a good explanation. But don't tell me there's nothing fishy about a London drill testing a subway bombing and then VOILA a subway bombing occurs in London at the same time. Or an exercise in which a plane crashes into a building in NYC and then that same morning, A PLANE CRASHES INTO A BUILDING IN NYC. Or an exercise about how to react when a shooter invades a movie theater run closeby to Aurora THE SAME DAY AS THE SHOOTING:

http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_21126462/real-life-shooting-imitates-training-exercise-at-parker

Cut the shit at this point. And don't just take my word for it - get off your ass, research these, and come back with a legitimate rebuttal other than 'Yeah those Infowars guys are crazy, you stupid conspiracy people'. Choose what you want to believe - the government that changed its Benghazi talking points twelve times when the world knew it was terrorism, the government that told its spokeman to DENY the existence of a domestic drone program? The government that has no gold left in Fort Knox and dwindling amounts in the NY Fed that needs 8 years to return Germany's gold? The government that leased out all of China's gold in the 1990's and, when challenged, said 'Oh we have your gold, here it is', only to be exposed as lacing it with tungsten? The government that said everything was fine in 2008 right before the crisis? The goverment that said your healthcare costs wouldn't increase a cent once Obamacare hits in 2014? The government that was 100% sure there were WMD's in Iraq at the time of the war? The government that denied purchasing 2 billion hollow-point bullets until the DHS was cornered and had to acknowledge the purchases earlier this year? Your choice - think independently or be a government sheep. Too many sheep these days. Don't make fun of those that are 'awake'.

3) Bomb threats at the Court House

Remember the helicopters and news crews surrounding the Court House when they supposedly had a 'dark-skinned male' suspect? (Quick aside - liberals across the country threw their remotes and exclaimed, "Shit....I was hoping for a right wing gun enthusiast....why do they always elude us?!?!?!?"). The media went back to doing what they do lately - changing their story multiple times and then ultimately getting bailed out by some phony-ass bomb scare/evacuation to throw off the scent. Reports were that there was a van being shuffled back and forth from Brigham & Women's Hospital to the Court House ('Saudi National' - read item #4). Coast Guard patrolling the waters. But the story hadn't been fully vetted yet, so all of the media swarmed the Court House. Cause the truth doesn't really matter to CNN anymore, just speed of reporting. Everybody kept gathering for press conferences that never occurred. They had to do something because this would be one gigantic letdown. So they called in a made-up bomb threat and forced everybody to leave the premises under the auspices of 'your life is at risk.'

Oh by the way - they asked for everyone's help identifying any peculiar characters that may have been related to this bombing, despite the fact that they had the storefront video of the suspects from the get-go. So keep up your wild goose chase stupid citizens and stay distracted while we piece together a narrative and hopefully stick with it. Now this item is less 'conspiratorial', so much as an easy way to switch up the story if it goes in a confusing direction. CNN effed up its reporting, and the American public was quickly redirected to a future manhunt because the trail had 'gone cold' supposedly. BTW - I remember reading a random note from a blogger that Tuesday saying (paraphrased) - "They're gonna have martial law by the end of week in Boston, this is a test for preparedness". Ummm yeah, more on that in a bit.....

4) That Pesky Saudi National
The first suspect in the Boston Bombing was the infamous 'Saudi National'. He was the first suspect in question that was being hospitalized at Brigham & Women's being treated for severe hand burns. His name is Abdul Rahman Ali Al-harbi. He is a member of an Al-Qaeda and Gitmo-linked family that has 10+ members on the Saudi terrorist watch list. He's also been a frequent White House guest over the years:



Michelle Obama was photographed visiting him at the hospital. For all the shit Bush took for cozying up to the Saudis, it looks like the trend continues with his Mooooslim successor. The scary part is that Secretary of State John Kerry also met with a high ranking Saudi Minister regarding this national and the decision was to deport him at the earliest convenience. Proving that the left hand doesn't speak to the right hand, DHS head Janet Napolitano vehemently denied the deportation order, but had to walk it back when she was confronted with pesky things like 'facts', and ultimately admitted that a deportation order was....in order. No one knows the whereabouts of Abdul Rahman Ali Al-harbi right now. I'm slightly concerned. As if the above was not enough, the scariest part is the terrorist distinction of this clown - 212(3b), which is 'proven terrorist activity on the National Counterterrorism Center watchlist (NCTC), and the '3b' distinction requires solid evidence. This dude was also on the no-fly list and his visa status lists him as a resident of Findlay, Ohio. So why the eff is someone on a terrorist watch-list with Saudi terrorist links being visited by the First Lady and off his leash in Ohio under the guises of 'pursuing education'. Was this a clerical mistake? Wouldn't the DHS just come clean and admit that? Oops sorry, too conspiratorial, I'll just back off and go in the corner.

5) Martial Law

Remember the last ten 'manhunts' you heard about, where a murderer was on the loose and you had to shut down public transportation, cancel work, and order the residents of any town surrounding a city to stay in their houses at the risk of being approached by police? Yeah, me neither. Congrats, Boston. You just became the template for future martial law in the United States. Your courage under fire was admirable, and you greeted the law enforcement with a hero's welcome and free beers for life. Local Boston cops worked overtime, put their lives on the line, and did their jobs well on Thursday/Friday April 18th/19th. For that, they should be commended. However, those that pull the Federal strings were the ones laughing maniacally, for they implemented the closest thing to martial law since New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina, with minimal pushback. People obeyed, didn't leave their homes, stayed in their family rooms and willingly opened up their front doors to law enforcement officials. Hell, if the officials asked for their guns at that point, I'm sure 99% of the residents would have said, 'Yessa massah.'

Hindsight being 20/20, I'm sure I would have capitulated to any requests, as I am a law-abiding citizen. I had friends down the street in Watertown giving me the blow by blow of every major happening, so I can't even begin to imagine the fear that everyone was feeling knowing that a terrorist was hiding out in their own neighborhood. But did anybody find it a little odd that after shutting the city and its surrounding towns down, the travel bans were lifted, public transportation opened back up, and people were allowed to leave their homes? Even though the Tsarnaev brother was still on the loose? Then why the fuck did you shut everything down in the first place? Was that a white flag you were waving? And who solved the crime? Some stiff going out for a cigarette who noticed blood on his boat!!!! A fitting end to a shitshow of a week for the government that touts 'Bin Laden is dead and Al Qaeda is on the run'. Now, we all got caught up in the faux-patriotism that gripped us after 9/11. I blasted Hulk Hogan's 'Real American' theme song and sucked every cop in town's dick as a show of solidarity. Just kidding on the first part. But still - local cops (of which I know some) deserve praise. FBI/CIA/upper eschelons of government deserve intense Q&A's from non-members of the liberal press. This stinks as much as Benghazi and we deserve to know the answers.

It also needs to be understood that for the past 5-7 years, DHS has been running 'urban preparedness drills' in major cities (38 last year alone), in which they test reactions to a biochemical attack, social unrest, rioting, terrorist attacks, mass shootings, and any other contrived chaos that they can think of. I've already outlined how some of these drills 'go live' at a moment's notice. They've now purchased over 2 billion hollow-point bullets (these are too pricey for simple 'shooting range practice' and the rest of the world won't even negotiate usage of these into the Geneva Conventions. They've also purchased thousands of Humvees and other urban warfare transportation (you saw some in Watertown last month). I'd say things went swimmingly for the future DHS business model. Simply youtube videos of Houston and Florida urban warfare training and you will see what is becoming commonplace - black helicopters and riot squads doing practice drills. What are they preparing for? Well, have you read my prior posts? This all syncs into the grand scheme of the globalist - crash the dollar, the US economy, launch a cyberattack and zero out our bank balances, nuke a west coast city, take out our communications with an EMP from North Korea or Iran, launch World War III from Israel on the rest of the Middle East, any scenario you can think of - our government has planned for. You thought Cyprus was bad? You thought Boston Marathon bombing was bad? You thought 9/11 was bad? The Tsarnaev's were the latest sleeper cell to 'wake up' since 9/11. There's more coming.

So the final verdict in my book is this - government knew something was 'coming' (just like 9/11). FBI kept these guys on a long leash, allowed them to travel as they saw fit, research any material they wanted online, not work, live on the dole. The Saudi national had some involvement, but since he's Saudi and the only thing holding the US dollar together is the relationship with Saudi Arabia/the petrodollar, this guy can do whatever he wants and get deported under the radar (Bin Laden family-style), no more questions asked. They probably had actionable intelligence that something was going to go down at the Boston Marathon, they just didn't know how or where exactly (kinda like the August 2001 'Al Qaeda Determined To Attack America' warning we got). Do I hold the Obama administration responsible? Absolutely not. As with Sandy Hook and Aurora, bad shit happens on a President's watch. Doesn't mean they are complicit. However, they do know that a series of crises will emerge during the term to help foster an emotional response and public outcry to 'do something' that ultimately infringes on our civil liberties (as outlined at the onset of the post). This is hardly the last event that we will see in the next four years, and don't be surprised if the 'Muslim Extremist' is substituted for the 'Second Amendment Kooky White Guy.' Book it.

Facebook Do's and Don'ts

Before we delve into a Mission: Critical post on Facebook etiquette, I'm still shell-shocked over watching my hometown of Boston all over the news for the Marathon Bombing. Having witnessed family and friends run the event over the years, I can say that it is a wonderful tradition to partake in, as is the annual 11:00am Red Sox game at Fenway Park while the race takes place. So many people come out to celebrate Patriot's Day (a Massachusetts tradition), and Monday's attack has put a black mark on the Boston Marathon for eternity. I'm so sick to my stomach over the 8 year old boy and 29 year old woman (and now the student from China) who died supporting their families in the race. And the countless pictures of blood splattered all over the pavement and a now infamous picture of a man wheeled off the scene with nothing but a leg bone from the knee down. So all we can do is pray (note - having someone in your 'thoughts' doesn't do shit, atheists feel free to disagree), and hope that Obama's version of justice for the perpetrator(s) is more than a tersely worded hate letter.

So instead of dwelling on Monday's tragedy, we need to pick our heads up and stand strong like New York, Atlanta, and Oklahoma City did. I hate how now its a group of cities. But we sure as hell can't be moping around forever, leaving overemotional Facebook statuses and tough-guy pictures of Wally The Green Monster fighting terror. Obligatory 'you messed with the wrong city' memes. WTF does that even mean? Will the John Hancock and Prudential buildings suddenly sprout arms and legs and start kicking the shit out of [ethnicity of undisclosed suspect - either a muslim or a right wing extremist, liberals hoping for the latter]? Will some drunks in Southie form militias and seek out street justice? No, they won't. The best revenge is acting like business as usual. Stephen Colbert said it best:

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/425527/april-16-2013/intro---4-16-13

Support the Bruins, Celtics, and 1st place Red Sox (damn, THAT feels good to say!). Visit this beautiful city, the various waterfronts, the business district, Faneuil Hall, and any of the other countless glorious attractions that Boston has to offer. Stay the hell away from Downtown Crossing though. Hear me out - we can't have unattended sporting events, empty malls, vacant skyscrapers and dead movie theaters. We need to giggle at stupidity like we did on April 14th. I'll try my best to bring it. May God comfort those that were effected by this and bring the evildoer(s) under His eternal judgment. Now, back to being a dick.

In case you aren't regularly on it cause you're a boring stiff, Facebook is a place where people's lives are front and center. Every bowel movement, meal, sexcapade, party, and contraction are shared with the wider community as a means of attracting attention to oneself. Here's a list of some of the items I'd avoid going forward. BTW - these lists are all over the internet, I'm not breaking any new ground. Except my lense is better than everyone else's lense.

Facebook Don't #1: The Selfie
Don't know where this started, but it's gotta stop. Facebook is the epitome of vanity. But where I come from, other people take my picture (and hopefully not often because my smile is faker than a Madame Toussad's wax statue). Guys with sixpacks, girls with tiny bikinis, hand on hips, leg turned in, trout pout/fish face, poorly done tramp stamp. "Hehhhhehhhhehhhehhh it's me, just relaxin' doin my algebra homework in yoga pants wanna fuck?" Are you kidding me? Would you ever be this careless with developed pictures in the '90's? Oh, cause it's digital you can be wasteful? Grab a clue. I want some ghastly picture to materialize to some Barbie and Ken couple where Ken is posing while taking a selfie of his abs, while Barbie awkwardly changes a sodden tampon over the toilet in the background. That is my dream and my aspiration for those that like to selfie. I leave you with this classic:

Facebook Don't #2: The Doppelganger
Some frumpy troll got the idea in their head that if you think you look like a celebrity, maybe you can goose up your self-esteem by making your profile a picture of that celebrity. Well guess what? You don't look like Angelina Jolie. You don't look like Ryan Gosling. You look like a pale, pock-marked chain-smoker (you know, what everyone else really thinks you look like) who wears tragically unhip black jeans and tucked-in turtlenecks who frequents dive bars with 40-somethings that don't want you for your looks. If you're going to link yourself to a celebrity, at least pick someone beaten with the ugly stick to at least APPEAR somewhat humble. My go-to is Adam Carolla, because Carson Daly and Anderson Cooper are a stretch for me. That's fine, I'm comfortable with that. But know your limits. 

You'rrrrrre not Megan Fox - you're a fucking Uruk-Hai from Lord of the Rings

Facebook Don't #3: Cryptic Messages
My personal pet peeve - the cryptic message. Shut your mouth. You try to hook people into your trainwreck world. Some examples:

"I'm starting to think I deserve getting hit."
"Guess I should hang myself after all."
"It's official - I can't do anything right."
"Maybe it's time I stopped trying."
"I stuck my boyfriend's snake up my vagina and it tickled a biiiiit" (ok I made that last one up)

Heaven forbid a girl experience a stomach ache on Facebook without speculation that she's preggers. "Hmmmm bun in the oven chica? Hmmmmm something a couple days late sexy momma? Eating for two hot stuff? Hmmmmmmm?" Shut up. Maybe your female friend is gassy from eating too much popcorn and iced tea? Did you think of that? Maybe your friend is having trouble getting pregnant and you are making her feel bad? Did you think of that either you big ape? Keep your crytic messages to yourself. Hang out with a better crowd and find a better partner that doesn't treat you like shit. Nobody wants to read your cryptic messages, Dolores.

Facebook Don't #4: Pseudo-Activism
Don't get me started on the 'Useful Idiot Movement' or as I call it, "Obama's Re-Election Campaign Staffers/The Future of our Country". These are the people that fall for every movement known to mankind that tugs at the heartstrings. Remember KONY 2012? "Ugandan kidnaps children and enrolls them in his military movement and has sex with them. He needs to be stopped. Give money to this cause." Little did these people know that their $30 kits went to administrative costs and about 10% of proceeds benefited this movement, oh by the way Joseph Kony has most likely been dead for 8 years. Aaaaand the main organizer of this movement (Jason Russell, Obama supporter/communications major) was arrested for drunkenly masterbating into a bush on a public street corner. But the movement felt natural, right?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjdH2LDH5LM

"Invisible Children - Visible Cock"

Remember changing your profile pic to an '80's cartoon to fight child molesters? Did that prevent anything? Do you think a pedophile in non-pocketed black sweatpants and a hoodie-less sweatshirt was gonna molest someone and then suddenly stopped in his tracks when he logged on to Facebook at his local library and saw a slew of cartoon characters from his childhood? "Ohhhh shit, I can't act on my feelings, the Smurfs and He-Man will come after me!!!!!! Don't want Heathcliff to kick me in the dick, I better knock this off!!!" Hardly, you dumbass. Newsflash - your Facebook Pseudo-Activism doesn't do anything. Spending money to help advance a cause does something. Unless it's KONY 2012. You're just stupid if you donated to that, and I hope his army kidnaps you, molests you, and makes you a sex slave.

Facebook Don't #5: The Instagram Taker

"I had two day old pizza leftovers for lunch - Mmmmmm yummy!!!

We're all guilty. We eat something yummy and feel the need to share it with the world. That's great if you are at Fleming's Steakhouse or Nobu, but if your mommy makes you a PB&J with a pickle and a glass of milk, I don't want to see it. It's a meal. We eat three of them a day. You are no different than anybody else. You just finished your Trix cereal and left a sip of orange juice. Ooops! Someone didn't finish their flaxseed and oatmeal cookie! Take a picture of your lasagna so I can see if you joined the Clean Plate Club! Now take a picture of your sloppy Klondike bar dessert cause I want to see your brain-freeze face! Knock it off. You're going to either shit it out or vomit it up. You are not special. Stop clogging my Facebook feed. It prevents me from seeing what Alex Jones ate.

Facebook Do #1

Donate whatever you can to the families of those effected by the Boston Marathon bombing. There are countless stories of heroes from all over the city helping the 150+ injured to safety. Over 30 people lost limbs and are maimed for life. While this is nowhere close to 9/11 in terms of severity, there are people who will be in rehabilitation centers for the foreseeable future and unable to find gainful employment. Any day now, bracelets and other clothing will be available online - do your research to make sure this goes directly to the charity and buy-up accordingly. I know I will.

Cyprus Crisis Will Happen In America

So it's been a wild couple weeks on Planet Earth as two stories have been almost exclusively taking up global headlines - the Cyprus Bank confiscation and the ongoing North Korea belligerence. While both items are seemingly unrelated, they tie in to the global end game to bring the United States to its knees. This particular post will provide the overview of events that will spark catastrophe in the US and A as it relates to the looming bank runs and subsequent confiscation of YOUR money. I consider this a real 'feel good' piece, so enjoy!

Unless you have been living under a rock for the past three weeks, you're well aware of the first of MANY bank depositor confiscations. A small country the size of Shaq's penis caused the global financial markets to freeze in shock at the ballsiness of its central bankers. Cypress is the Euro's smallest nation, but it's crisis set such a disgusting, despicable precedent, as part of the bailout mandated a 40% levy on any account balance over €100k for Bank of Cyprus depositors and a 60% levy for Laiki (competing bank) depositors. The total bailout was about €17b, of which half will be pulled straight from it's own people. Of course, the Russian oligarchs and government officials had removed their billions from the banks in the weeks leading up to the crisis. Cypress banks had at least 70% of their investments in Greek sovereign debt. So when Greece got pneumonia, Cypress went into a coma. Germany basically said (rightfully so), "Screw you, come up with your own money, we're done paying for your mistakes." They're sick of bailing out countries in the Eurozone who can't keep their shit together. I don't blame them. At this point, since all member countries are wary of leaving the Euro, these types of events will become commonplace. Europe appears to be fracturing into two parties - the responsible nations (Germany, Sweden, Switzerland, other Scandinavian countries) vs the socialist model dumbass nations (Portugal, Italy, Ireland, Greece, Spain, etc). Cyprus was a small petri dish to test the severity of this cash grab. It worked without riots, so the ante will be upped when the next country comes to the Troika (European Commission with the European Central Bank and the International Monetary Fund) asking for money. Most likely Slovakia, Slovenia, Malta, or even Portugal or Spain. Do you think it began and ended with Cyprus? Of course not, you big dummy! Spain, Australia and New Zealand now have proposals to have a similar plan when their economies go belly up. And soon the rest of Europe will too.

Why do I bring this up? Well, guess where banker confiscation will eventually rear its ugly head? Ding ding ding!!!! Right here in the good ol' USA. It has to. Why wouldn't it? We have $17 trillion of debt, $220 trillion of unfunded liabilities, no attempt to make meaningful entitlements reform, 48 million on foodstamps, 50% of our citizens on government assistance and a currency with Stage 4 cancer. You can't blame Obama for presenting a dead-on-arrival budget plan - it's his first one since he became President. We also can't service our debt without printing more money. QE is losing steam (the Fed is split on when to end this, but like a crackhead, we keep needing more to feed our addictions). Eventually we raise interest rates and either inflation will be out of hand by then, our credit has been downgraded, or our dollar will be abandoned in favor of the newly formed BRICS banking system backed by gold (you know that substance that Russia, India, China are hoarding right now? The stuff that USED to be in our vaults at Fort Knox and NY Fed? Our bank accounts and retirement accounts will eventually be touched by the banksters and our government's grubby fingers within the next five to ten years (most likely sooner).

And you thought mullets were the worst haircuts....

A joint FDIC/Bank of England paper published December 2012 (you know, while we were distracted talking about gun control in the aftermath of Sandy Hook) basically redefined bank depositors as 'investors' and 'shareholders'. So when shit hits the fan here (and it will), your bank account gets a haircut AND that haircut becomes worthless shares not subject to FDIC deposit insurance. Full document here:

http://www.fdic.gov/about/srac/2012/gsifi.pdf

Banks and your government are in the early stages of crisis planning for when the system crashes. I've spoken ad-nauseum about the pending dollar collapse and our unsustainable debt, but when it's time to pay the piper, and our dollar has been hyperinflated, and the printed presses are turned off, and we are the equivalent of an economic leper, two easy sources of revenue will pop up - the aforementioned bank accounts for the zombie banks, and your 401k/IRA that the government will take. I told you not to trust these scum-sucking bastards!!! But you do cause they give you free shit and pretend they care about the imaginary war on women!!!! And they want to help you with your student loans!!!! And they like green energy!!! Yayyyy!!!!!

Here's the deal - they come after your retirement accounts first. If you're like me, you've worked, you've saved, and you've invested in your 401k, gotten your company to kick in a defined contribution of 4-10%. You watch it grow, refuse to touch it lest you get a 10% penalty, and start to relax knowing that between social security, any cash pensions, and your core retirement savings, things will be pretty good when you retire. What the government is NOT telling you is that since 2007, they have been trying to sneakily pass legislation that mandates US Treasury securities become the 'risk-free' and 'safe' investment that 'preserves wealth' in each of our retirement accounts. So no more precious metals, emerging growth, blue chip mutual funds - we would be the buyer of last resort since no one else wants to own our debt!!!!! And you'd be FORCED to convert your plans into US treasury only accounts.

There is currently around $19 trillion of private retirement accounts. After some large-scale crash, dollar flight, credit downgrade, alternative banking model (BRICS development fund), America will predictably freak out and look to our useless government for answers. They will inevitably 'come to the rescue' and set up some type of Guaranteed Retirement Account consisting of US treasuries. "Yes massah" the sheeple will scream. Just like we got in lockstep after 9/11. Just like we wanted a quick fix in 2008's crisis. Just like we wanted the Fiscal Cliff theater resolved. Just like we wanted to ban guns after Sandy Hook. Government LOVES when you are emotional, cause you'll sign up for ANYTHING. "They didn't revolt after we nationalized our healthcare system with Obamacare, so we can get away with this too." (Quick aside - Dems are starting to freak out that HHS head Kathy Sebelius is now on record saying costs will be significantly higher than initially thought, and the mountains of new mandates may not be enforceable until 2015. I'm shellshocked). Anyway, Social Security will manage this new influx of loot, and it won't even keep pace with inflation (which will be around 20-30% annually by then). But government saved the day, so why should we care? Oh by the way, the first salvo was thrown today when Obama's budget announced a proposal to limit wealthy account owners to $3 million. Take away tax deductions and they've created $10 billion of additional revenues.

This $19 trillion bucket gets converted into US treasuries, which basically means it is the new operating account for the government to spend on anything it wants. The debt will be inflated away, so most likely this will be used to pay for more and more entitlements, Medicare, Medicaid, illegal immigrants, unskilled slobs who can't find work, exploding welfare, wars in the Middle East and the Orient. When that is not enough, the banks will snag your accounts as their own. Remember, you are now an 'investor' or 'shareholder' or 'creditor' (whatever they decide you to be that day). Thanks to Dodd-Frank, the newly created "U.S. Consumer Financial Protection Bureau" will help facilitate this move when the SEC inevitably falls asleep at the switch during the next looming derivatives and forthcoming stock market crash. So let's recap - your 401k gets hijacked in favor of worthly securities, you lose future purchasing power because of hyperinflation, and you also get a chunk of your bank account confiscated. And you thought it couldn't happen in America, just like 9/11, Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Sandy, the 2008 Market Meltdown, BP oil spill, electing a black president, and a large-scale assault on the 2nd Amendment. Well guess what? It's all happened. Now, if only there was some international crisis/planned false flag attack brewing that could unite our country in a show of phony patriotism........

In Defense of Christ's Resurrection

Hope you all enjoyed your Easter. As it's Easter Sunday, I felt it was warranted to at least write a post that tackles the strawman arguments against Christ's resurrection. The further we get from his death, the more theories (devoid of evidence) seem to creep in and take hold in our secular society. Unfortunately, the Bible isn't a living, breathing document, so we need to do our best to defend the evidence as presented therein.

I was raised as a lazy Roman Catholic who attended church on major holidays, and went through the the major sacrements. My mother was also a lazy Catholic, my father an atheist who was bitter about losing friends in the Vietnam War, so obviously it was God's fault. Ok that's my opinion (in case he finds out I just let the cat out of the bag). Either way, my spiritual journey was something that I had to spearhead, since no one was going to going to lead this adventure for me. Any normal teenager will do a soul-searching in which they will question their religious upbringing and either come away with a stronger faith or devoid of faith, in which they will reject the church/temple/mosque doctrine they were taught and become a black-fingernail painting atheist/agnostic. I was no different. However, in each of my 'soul-searchings', I specifically asked myself the questions about Jesus and his resurrection that most skeptics ask - and each time I came back with the same answer - this guy did the unthinkable and actually rose from the dead! And He died on a cross for my sins! What a class act! And hear I am, complaining about my first-world problems like a worthless piece of shit. You probably do the same! So here's the deal - to question is completely normal. Don't feel like you are some heathen. As Jesus says in John 20:29 - “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” We weren't alive then, so don't kick yourself for having your doubts. Just do your research with an open mind and the truth will set you free! Here's a list of common arguments against Christ's resurrection, and a correspondingly common sense refute of them so you can sleep easier tonight. Enjoy!

Argument One: "Jesus Didn't Die on the Cross, He Just Faked It"
I love this one. Overwhelming evidence in four gospels, but skeptics creep in and start to paint a picture of Jesus as a faker. The guy was whipped, scourged, beaten to a bloody pulp and then forced to carry a cross, at which point He was then crucified on it and still managed to live after pretending to die and then somehow removed a boulder from His own tomb, crawl out and, Monty Python-style exclaim, "I'm not dead yet." Yeah, great way to impress your disciples. The Son of God, one foot in the grave, acting like he barely survived an Evil Knievel stunt. Lee Strobel, a lawyer and former atheist, has written numerous best-sellers building the case for God, Jesus, Faith, and more. He interviewed  Dr. Alexander Metherell, a physician who extensively studied the historical, archaeological, and medical data concerning the death of Jesus of Nazareth. In the book, he listed diagnosis after diagnosis of ailments that Jesus was suffering from, and by the time he was put on the cross he was in critical condition. In fact, the word 'excruciating' (out of the cross') was coined as a result of His death. There's no way he could have survived, and I urge you to read the book The Case for Christ to deepen your understanding. These books blew away the misconceptions and screwy theories that seem to pop up around Easter.

Argument Two: "The Disciples Took His Dead Body"
The Roman centurions were pretty good at their jobs. Their goal was to inflict pain on criminals during scourgings, and were accountable for the incarceration of criminals and keeping watch over the jails. The theory that His 12 wussy Disciples (most of which ran and hid after Judas betrayed Him) suddenly grew a set and hatched a scheme to break into a tomb in front of armed guards is implausible. They would have had the smack laid down on them and retreated into the shadows to lick their wounds. Plus, the centurions would have been faced with death if Jesus was spirited away by the Disciples. It's bad enough that Jewish tradition forbade women from making claims in the absence of a man, and low and behold Mary Magdalene and Mary, mother of James were the first ones at the grave (Islamiscists heard of this tradition and were like, 'Jackpot!'). Matthew 28 captures the infamous scene where the tomb is found empty and women are greeted by an angel saying "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said." So why would the Gospels knowingly back up women finding the empty tomb when they knew it would lead to outrage? Why would this stolen body theory gain traction? What would they do with the body? Why wouldn't it turn up somewhere? How would they organize the next steps forward when some of them doubted whether to continue Christ's ministry? Also, the grave clothes were left behind (see: newly re-dated Shroud of Turin that links it to 1st century AD Middle East locale) - so who steals a naked bloody/sweaty body and leaves the garments behind? Gotta think before you launch a bogus theory - remember, the onus is on the doubters to prove Christ's faked resurrection.

Argument Three: "He was never crucified - in fact, he married Mary Magdalene, traveled to France and lived happily ever after with his wife and kids."
To all of you Da Vinci Code fans (myself one of them), hate to burst your bubble. There is no evidence from the same period that collected the source documents for the New Testament that the two were married. All of the new age propaganda that has been shoved down our throats is at least 150 years after the fact, as opposed to the basic gospels, compiled within a generation of Christ's death. The Gospel of Mary, The Gospel of Thomas, The Gospel of Judas, etc all materialized a few generations later, thus their exclusion from the Bible. When the final content was being agreed, the criteria called for the removal of any inconsistent gospels that were not corroborated by at least another source. What's good for a courtroom is good for the Bible. No conspiracy theories necessary. So naturally, Hollywood and the mainstream media get hold of a book threatening to blow the lid off of the Jesus story and run with it. Dan Brown is a great and talented author, but he's a cafeteria Christian with a wild imagination. Also, the popular book Holy Blood, Holy Grail by Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh and Henry Lincoln launched this thesis on Christ marrying and escaping to France to start the Merovingian bloodline. These authors based their interpretations on 1) a book written in another language that they didn't even speak let alone accurately translate and 2) the source book that they built their theory on was a known forgery to numerous historians in France. But why would that matter? Jesus could have had kids!!!! Think of the money they could make!!!!! Some say the Knights Templar, Rosicrucians, and Freemasons hold the eternal secrets of what really happened with Jesus, but no one who has left those orders seems to spill the beans about the inner secrets. So it's all just speculation. Ask yourself - if you don't question Socrates' history, Plato's history, Alexander the Great's history, or Julius Caeser's history, which are all based on significantly LESS documentation, why do you then doubt the divinity of Jesus?

Other items to consider:
1) Why would the Disciples die for a lie? Did you know that 11 of the 12 Apostles died a horrid death because they believed in Jesus' resurrection? If I hung out with someone and doubted their divinity, I would grab the nearest microphone and expose them as a fraud. These guys were beheaded, crucified upside down, tortured, hung, bludgeoned and more. Why would you do that if you weren't a convinced follower?
2) Jesus was seen six times after his resurrection. He approached Saul of Tarsus on the road to Damascus. Paul (formerly Saul) was the Bill Maher/Richard Dawkins of Jesus-haters in his day. He had a religious experience and did a complete 180. Jesus also appeared to his mother Mary and Mary Magdalene, his disciples, and to a party of 400 before his final ascension, to name a few. Wouldn't someone step in and throw a flag on the play if this was not true? Why didn't they?
3) If the accounts of the converted aren't enough, then look to the secular historians of the day. 1st century secular scholar Josephus wrote extensively of the time Jesus lived. Eighty years later, Pliny the Younger and Tacitus chronicled this Jesus character and the supposed miraculous events surrounding His life, death and resurrection. Even the Talmud makes vague references to Jesus being put to death for sorcery. Wouldn't these non-Christians expose the Jesus myth to advance their own causes? They merely reported what was said at the time in a neutral manner. This then leaves us with the actual text of the Bible to make an informed opinion.
4) Jesus fulfilled a ton of Old Testament prophecies. Some say no less than one hundred. Others, like the link below, list 351 signs fulfilled:

http://accordingtothescriptures.org/prophecy/353prophecies.html

This is amazing stuff. All the way down to the casting of lots for his clothes, the fact that he didn't break a bone at His crucifixion, riding a donkey into Jerusalem, dying for our sins, etc. Something was special about this guy. The more you read about Him, the closer you get to Him. Keep that in mind as you deal with the emerging secular world that we now live in. Mentioning Jesus pisses people off, because he was grounded in moral principles and did supernatural things. I guess that's not cool in 2013. Oh by the way - you can't call yourself a Christian if you don't believe he's going to return at some point in human history. So laugh all you want about end of the world/tribulation/armageddon soothsayers. We are fast approaching the Great Tribulation called for in the Book of Revelation. Might be nice to get your ducks in a row spiritually before the shit hits the fan.

God bless and have a great week!

Navigating Various Types of Playground Parents

As it's now springtime, it warrants mentioning that it might be a good idea to take your kids to a playground once in awhile. It's not as cool as playing with an iPad/Wii/DS/iPhone but it is good old fashioned outdoor time and you feel like you've done your parenting job for the day. The kids leave out of breath, boogers dripping down their faces, and covered in dirt and gubment mulch. Brings a tear to my eye.

But as fun as it is for the children, if you're like me, in between playing 'grumpy old troll under the shaky bridge', you're taking mental notes on the other parents - their mannerisms, their attentiveness, and their FUPA's/receding hairlines. Here's a quick list of what you'll find if your kid just entered 'playground ready' status:

"Helicopter Harry and Shadow Sheila"

I'm breaking no new ground here. Y'all know who these people are. Arrive, disengage child leash from four year old, and proceed to follow little Johnny around a little too intensely. Child on lap on slides, always holding hands, shadowing during a simple game of tag, coaching child through every conversation with other kids, dictating the speed of group tilt-a-whirls while eight other kids mouth the words "Is this guy effin serious?" These people are over-involved in their kids' lives, run to first alongside their child when they make contact in baseball, run to the front of the stage during a recital to choreograph movements because little Mandy is two steps behind, call the teacher within an hour after a 2nd grade math test is administered. These people don't bother me for some reason, since we can all kinda relate. 

Annoyance Factor: 5 out of 10

"Gadget Gloria and Trendy Todd"


"OMG I'm at the park right now and like, my kid wants me to like, push them"



The most common type of parent (unfortunately) is the trendy parent that needs to be plugged in to the outside world during their hour long trip to the park. Smart phone always in hand. Texting their friends about fantasy football or plans for two weeks from now. Child wanders away and gets dropkicked by someone on a swing. Playing a new app while Betsy rocks on her little horsey spring toy. These people irk the shit out of me. I've said it a million times - I'm nothing special as a parent, but I at least try and bring my A game to the playground because kids love it. Put your effin device away before I stick it up your balloon knot. It also means I now have to babysit your sweaty kid, since your mind is elsewhere. He needs me to push him, which distracts me from MY kid, you doofus. My wife has been approached no less than five times in her life to push another person's kid because their mommy was busy on the cell phone. We need to hire snipers to pick off anyone operating a cell phone on playground property and put a dart in the neck of any perpitrator. Zero tolerance policy. 

Annoyance Factor: 9 out of 10

"Fast Friends Francine and Comfortable Curtis" 

Francine is new to the area and doesn't know anybody. She's coming off a rough breakup with her ex-boyfriend, and of course she has a kid and no one to turn to. You thought you could just sit on the bench and watch the kids run around, or push your youngest on the swing in peace. Nope. You need to hear about her alcoholic father, how her uncle molested her when she was ten, how she was raped when she was sixteen, how she got pregnant by her rapist-now-boyfriend when she was nineteen (go figure), and so on and so forth. You listen cause you don't want to be rude or heartless. Curtis starts talking about the perceived low-hanging fruit - sports, butts, and beer. Then he starts showing you pictures of the obese hispanic chick he met at the gym and 'oh by the way he's cheating on his wife with her'. He's a close-talker and reeks of stale cigarette butts, with breath that smells like Bigfoot's dick. Wants to grab a beer sometime since he's ALSO new to the area. "Have you considered going on a date with our methhead acquaintance, Francine, Curtis? Because you're both annoying the shit out of my wife and I." Did I mention you now know about the rash on little Gabriel's nutsack? Or how little Henrietta likes to watch her parents have sex from the crib eventhough she's eight? Thanks for all that information folks. I'm never visiting this playground again. 

Annoyance Factor: 0 out of 10 (WTF? Wasn't expecting THAT!)

"Vicarious Vicky and Wistful Wesley"
Every now and then you see the overly intense parents who have too much energy for their own good. Need to be the coolest ones at the playground, so every other kid sits back and says "I wish that was MY daddy!" They push the tilt-a-whirl at ludicrous speed so that children get launched/jettisoned fifty feet in the air and land in a heap on the pitcher's mound of the softball field. They push the swing so high that their child screams for their life.

They shove children climbing the ladder so that they don't get tagged, and while evading getting tagged, occasionally they fart out of excitement (ok I just wanted to add that for no reason). They sit slack-jawed on the see-saw waiting for a willing partner. They go down the twisty slide headfirst (also farting on the way down) and they pop back up covered in woodchips and go back for more. Love the energy, but this is not your chance to relive your glory days. Also, why the hell do I see goths at the playground? Why are they there? Go study or listen to Muse. I heard the gang-bang was rescheduled to the cemetery down the street. Leave our kids alone. And scrape the black nail polish off your fingernails. Rite-Aid will never hire you.

Annoyance Factor: 7 out of 10

"Fat Creeper/Chester The Molester"

25% of the time you'll see a gentleman on a bench or a swing, smiling idly as if he were midway through a bowel movement. But he doesn't seem to be there with anybody. You keep an eye on him because he has salsa stains on his white v-neck tshirt and he rode his bike there, so right off the bat you're suspicious. He also has a bulge in his black/navy blue Dickies pants anytime a child runs by. You've seen him around town in a beat-up half car/half truck from 1984 with no hubcaps, so he obviously did something sketchy during the Euro Pop era. He smells like dead leaves/mothballs/swamp-ass, so you keep your distance. You see him put his sweatshirt over his groin and put his hands underneath.....wait a minute.....ohhhhhh shit. He's playing with himself. Let's get the hell outta dodge. 

Annoyance/Call The Cops Factor: 10 out of 10

There's your basics. Try not to be any of those people. Your kids need to learn to be independent, fall and get hurt, and enjoy some fresh air and beautiful sunshine. Put your technology away. Sometimes its nice to sit back with your spouse and take it all in while the kids run around. Just don't get too relaxed or people will think you are the token playground creeper and call the cops on you.