Who REALLY Runs The World? (No, It's Not The USSA) - Part I (Early Origins)

One quick item about a 'cross-promotional' message I wanted to convey. My blog is starting to get off the ground (in my book at least). It's approaching 3,000 views (which is 2900 more than I EVER thought it would receive), with unique readership even outside of Facebook where most of the word of mouth travels. Reason I say this is that my buddy Ben and I are cross-promoting my blog and his podcast for maximum viewership/readership (so instead of 3 readers/listeners, we will maximize and pool our efforts to ensure FIVE people read/listen). He is one half of the Devil's Advocates (with his buddy Josh) and their site is advertised on the top right of my blog. Check it out, as they have weekly podcasts that are actually quite humerous. Link below in case you are a buffoon and can't locate 'the top right of my blog'.

http://wearethedevilsadvocates.com/

They landed a freaking PORN STAR on their show for Tuesday, August 20th who also happens to write for The Daily Beast (Aurora Snow), and they have over 800 followers on Facebook. Marital vows prevent me from viewing her work, but word on the street is that she's well-groomed and into face-sitting. Oh, and the show is wildly offensive, but the website is great too. Ben was one of my roommates in college and a good friend - he is an artist (heterosexual though, so as rare as a 'black republican' and/or unicorn), musician (I've listened to his stuff, quite talented. I recall making him play WWE entrance themes on guitar on the Quad at Fairfield University. He put out an album ten years ago and now has his music on iTunes. Check it out). The last episode talked about one of God's greatest inventions - the human vagina. Worth listening to.

But let's move on to more diabolical issues. Like who runs the world. Hint - it's not Barack Hussein Soetero Obama. It's not the Bush family (ok maybe that's partially true). It's not the Clintons. It's not David Cameron. It's not Angela Merkiel, nor is it Vladimir Putin or the various Middle Eastern monarchies. The real movers on planet earth exist behind the scenes, drawn from centuries of family wealth, daft political maneuvering, and an unprecedented patience that their worldview will be eventually achieved. This post gives you the Cliff's Notes version (and may be a little lengthy - deal with it if you want to be informed).

Origins

I. The Freemasons

The earliest form of 'secret society knowledge dates back to three thousand years ago, in the form of King Solomon's Temple from about 832 BC. Those that constructed the temple were adept stonemasons building with the sole purpose of honoring Yahweh, but also to purportedly house the Ark of the Covenant. The Tabernacle of the 'Holy of Holies' (inner sanctum of temple) is where the indwelt divine presence of God resides (known as the 'Shekinah'). King Solomon and his leaders built the temple in accordance with the constellations and followed strict protocol to align the blueprint with the nighttime patterns of the day. In so doing, a secret brotherhood came about, in which those 'exposed to the Shekinah presence' came upon knowledge of human origins, which would be passed down from generation to generation. The temple was destroyed in about 422 BC, but the secrets lived on through the Freemasons throughout the centuries. Freemasons exist to this day, and their notorious 33 degree rankings still persist. You see them in just about every town and their logo is infamous:

Their membership is based on the belief in a higher power - the 'Grand Architect of the Universe.' They don't believe in a Christian God, a Jewish God, or a Muslim God. Strictly spiritual and non-religious.  Freemasons exist in the highest eschelons of corporations, international banks, central banks, and government. High level stuff here, and I'm not going to get into the history of the Freemasons, because it will bore you to death and distract from my main premise of building awareness for the current globalist power structure. Maybe some other post when I'm out of relevant topics to discuss. But basic context has been established. Read up on former 33 degree Freemason Manly Hall who has revealed some of their secrets in his multiple, critically-acclaimed works. Interesting and scary stuff. They've infiltrated EVERYTHING it seems, and the lower ranking members don't know shit about what they have signed on for. That's by design. But again, that's for another day.

Prove it, asshole. Ok fine. Here's a (partial) list of past and present Freemasons. The true list is longer than the Affordable Care Act.

- Benjamin Franklin
- George Washington
- Winston Churchill
- Teddy Roosevelt and FDR
- Most US Presidents
- Steve Wosniak
- Henry Ford
- Walt Disney
- Basically every Founding Father
- Basically every inner circle CIA/FBI/government director
- Not on this list are Ronald Reagan and JFK, the last two Presidents to have bullets shot in their direction.

A basic list below:

http://www.durham.net/~cedar/famous.html

http://www.masonsmart.com/famous-freemasons.html

Some basic spelunking the internet (where everything is true, duhhh) will fill you in on the rest. But they are everywhere.

II. The Vatican

As a Roman Catholic I have no problem with the way the Catholic Church is treated as the religious whipping-boy institution. I ain't changing branches of Christianity, but based on their checkered, secretive and downright deplorable past (in some situations), they deserve the criticism they get, and I'm not going to...'bear their cross' and carry their water. I do take umbrage at the undeserved anger regarding what is included in the New Testament of the Bible. A good researcher likes to triage their information with second and third sources. The Council of Nicea tried to do that, and if books of the Bible were written a century after the more popular works, yet contradicted the earlier texts, they were rightfully excluded for inclusion. This of course got people thinking, 'What are you people hiding? Jesus had kids and never got crucified! Mary Magdalene was his wife and they lived in France but traveled to India'. All bullshit. It's like if 100 years after Julius Caesar, someone came out with an unvalidated story about him having a secret lovechild and never really getting stabbed to death by Brutus, but that he really traveled the fjords of Iceland and died a natural death. You'd rightfully say 'hey that doesn't really jive with the fully vetted prior history books, let's exclude this from our write-up.' So those issues with the Catholic Church need to be let go. However, the looming presence of the Vatican over the past two millenia is cause for concern. I believe they have been infiltrated by the Freemasons and play an inappropriate role in today's affairs. Here's why.

The Catholic Church has accumulated hundreds of tons of gold over the past fifteen centuries, merged religion and government together numerous times during the past fifteen hundred years, conducted a religious Crusade in the middle ages in conjunction with the Freemasons but ultimately turning on the sub-sect known as the Knights Templar, and routinely find themselves on the wrong side of history (see World War II, rise of Hitler). The main driver behind this is the fact that the Freemasons infiltrated the Vatican decades ago in the form of the near-militant group, Opus Dei (chronicled in 'DaVinci Code', albeit unfairly), as well as the Jesuit order, which is the crazy drunk uncle of the Catholic family (I can say that since I went to a Jesuit college. Still like them though, even if they are a bunch of globalists). It was started by Ignatius Loyola in 1540, through the approval of then Pope Pius III. There is a prevailing thought that the 'white pope' (the traditional Catholic pope chosen through a conclave) takes orders from the 'black pope' (the Jesuit general - ie leader of the Jesuit order. These guys are rumored to have written the 'Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion', which formed the basis of Hitler's motivation and quest for power. There are upwards of 80 Jesuit 'provincials' across the world that form 'agitations to advance a political agenda. They have a ton of political sway, and roll up to the Vatican the way the Tea Party rolls up to the Republican Party. Their ultimate goal is complete infiltration of the Vatican in the form of a Jesuit Pope and the rebuilding of King Solomon's Temple in Jerusalem.

Prove it, asshole. That's easy. In March 2013, their dream came true. Jorge Maria Bergoglio, also known as Pope Francis I, became the first JESUIT Pope. I've already written a post on the Prophecy of St. Malachi and how Pope Francis is the much-anticipated 'Petrus Romanus' ('Peter The Roman', the 112th and final Pope according to the 12th century prophet). He will lead the Catholic Church during the Tribulation. Not sure how he will turn out, but he already has an Obama-esque following within the Church, and is being looked at to lead the transition to a progressive, all-inclusive Catholic worldview that seeks to break down barriers with other religions and lifestyles. He could also embrace alien disclosure at this point. Stay tuned to see how this plays out, since he's been turning heads already, and it's only been five months!
Rumors also persist that JFK was taken out for two primary reasons - opposition to a proposed Vietnam war, and the CIA. Vietnam was on the globalist and Jesuit agenda - they had millions of Buddhists who were deemed 'inconvertible' and their needed to be a Catholic presence in that section of the world. Despite being a Catholic, JFK was fundamentally against secret societies and foreign adventures. See infamous speech below (he was taken out shortly thereafter):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnEZ6FdE9mE

Finally, if you blinked you may have missed the pontificate of Pope John Paul I, the predecessor to Pope John Paul II. He lasted a whole of 33 days (Masonic code). The higher levels of the Vatican/Jesuits took him out because he was investigating the ongoing fraud at the Vatican bank. Banker Roberto Calvi was found hanging under a bridge with Freemason artifacts in his pockets to send a message. John Paul I died under mysterious circumstances in the immediate aftermath of his request for an investigation. Is this sketchy enough? This is the same Vatican that 'relocates' pedophile priests. Folks, pedophilic sex rings are of the devil and linked to Luciferian rituals. Same with the Penn State scandal. High levels of wealthy, affluent individuals with political clout are running these prostitution rings. The Vatican is never going to change, and if a Pope wants it to change, they get killed. Let me know when you want me to stop.

III. The Illuminati

Many have heard of the infamous 'Illuminati' or the movement behind the New World Order for one world government, one world currency, one world religion warned of in the Bible. While the 'Illuminati' existed three hundred years ago, they don't ostensibly go by the name 'Illuminati' anymore, they simply are the hidden rulers outside of the public view. You aren't going to read about them in your history books. You aren't going to talk about them in your history class. But like an unseen breeze, their presence is felt and truly exists. The official 'Illuminati' were formed in May of 1776 (hmmmm veddy intewesting year) by Jesuit-trained Adam Weishaupt as a modern adaptation of Freemasonry. From wikipedia - "The Illuminati's members took a vow of secrecy and pledged obedience to their superiors. Members were divided into three main classes, each with several degrees, and many Illuminati chapters drew membership from existing Masonic lodges.The goals of the organization included trying to eliminate superstition, prejudice, and the Roman Catholic Church's domination over government, philosophy, and science; trying to reduce oppressive state abuses of power, and trying to support the education and treatment of women as intellectual equals."

In the year 2013, as mentioned earlier, the Illuminati don't need to consolidate under the umbrella in order to be recognized as a legitimate force in the New World Order scheme. They own every form of media, energy, telecommunications, lobbyist group, and more. They pull the strings for the highest branches of government, including the CIA, FBI, and Federal Reserve. They drive the global agenda. They planned 9/11. They plan the world wars and finance both sides. They rooted for the Allies, but they also rooted for the Nazis. They care not for the well-being of the global population, but rather to preserve their status for generations and engage in any form of mass manipulation and population control. They plan the breakdown of society, the dissolution of the family, the public trashing of any belief in a higher power, the collective brainwashing of citizens through zombie mobile devices, trashy Hollywood celebrities, subliminal music and movies, and reality TV shows that add no value to society. So they don't ostensibly call themselves 'the Illuminati' but they exist.

Prove it, asshole. Ok. The consolidation of media and banking institutions over the past 30 years has left power in the hands of relatively few corporations. Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, Citigroup, and Bank of America are the big banking games in town. Disney, TimeWarner, Viacom, News Corp control the news media. Apple, Google and Microsoft control technology. Henry Kissinger (former Secretary of State under Nixon) continues to advise behind the scenes to each living president. Former Carter NSA head Zbigniew Brzezinski continues to advise behind the scenes to each living president. Billionaire George Soros, who made his billions crashing national currencies, throws hundreds of millions of dollars to advance secular, progressive causes aimed at fundamentally changing society. Full disclosure - I voted for George W. Bush twice. Just so you know, the Bush family is knee-deep in Skull & Bones and other secret societies, and were groomed early on in the game to become top politicians. Prescott Bush was a Nazi apologist and donor to the Nazi party who helped his globalist friends fund the rise of Hitler.

IV. The Royal Families

The non-corporation/government powerbrokers have come from generations of financial royalty. We all know the Rockefeller family, who made their billions (trillions really) through Standard Oil. They were pre-dated by the Rothschilds, the Austrian family who, under Mayer Amschel Rothschild, gained prominance and notoriety through the basic establishment of international finance and banking. They are estimated to be worth half a quadrillion dollars. They are joined by the Morgan family (descendents of JP Morgan, famous banker who helped set up the Federal Reserve from a Jekyll Island meeting over 100 years ago). The Warburg banking family of the 19th century (Paul Warburg was the architect of the Federal Reserve scheme). The Carnegie family of Carnegie Steel fame. The Royal Family (the Queen of England and her spawn are worth an estimated $500 billion.

They fund universities, they fund educational programs, they fund wars, they fund media campaigns to influence public opinion, they own the Federal Reserve, they own and run the military industrial complex, they benefit financially during wars, they lose money during peace, they crash currencies, they hoard hundreds of tons of gold, they don't pay significant taxes, they don't go to jail, they know about events before they happen because they probably planned them. These are the people behind the scenes who rule the world. But that's just the first part. In my second piece, I will go through the current structures and global front groups that will take us to World War III.

Top Secret Plans For My Wake and Funeral - Hint...It Will Be.......Funny?

I was driving our youngest to bed this evening and passed by a funeral home. This got me thinking - how do I plan to go out? What kind of arrangements will I need to make? Will tears be shed? Where will I be buried? So much to sort through!!!!

Here's the deal - I'm healthy, happily married for almost a decade to a beautiful wife, have three wonderful children, a good job, a house, upward mobility, an MBA, great family and friends, and a 100% uncompromising belief in the afterlife as a devout Christian. That being said, this is not some pre-cursor to my demise that somehow goes viral and the authorities have to track down loved ones for information. 'Yeah he wrote this really weird blog post before he died.' Nope, not this guy. I'll either go out fifty years from now from natural causes, five years from now from a massive heart attack, or I will be offed like Andrew Breitbart or Michael Hastings for exposing our corrupt government. I have no plans to exit planet earth any time soon. I go when God wants me to go. Some of you are probably thinking, 'Well, I hope He gives you AIDS soon cause you are a real asshole. At least make him menstruate once a month.' Listen, if I make fun of everything else, the least I can do is make fun of my own death, so let me roll with this. Here are the arrangements, I hope my wife Colleen is taking notes.

Event #1A - The Wake

My wife and I have joked about funny ways to go and the things that would happen at our respective wakes. This is kind of like a living will, in blog form. Ok - funeral home needs to have a partition around the coffin, almost like a plastic sound-proof room. The people line up normal style (assuming people actually want to pay their respects, which I don't blame them if they decide to skip and go play Powerball instead). The Undertaker's creepy WWE entrance theme plays on repeat, setting the tone that this is going to be one sad event.

People cry, blow snots into hankerchiefs, and reminisce about...what exactly? I probably pissed off everybody in the room multiple times and they are there to pretend they liked me. Whatever. Psychics contend that most spirits actually attend their wakes before walking through the final death portal. I will be there AND taking notes assholes. You BETTER not be speaking bad about me. Of course, how can I blame you after what happens next?

Event #1B - The Viewing

The viewer then makes their way out of the parlor to the enclosed plexiglass viewing area. Cover charge of $5 will be given to the midget bouncer, with proceeds going directly to Alex Jones' Infowars website to help fight the New World Order and the globalist agenda. The mood slightly changes though. Blaring from a 1993 CD player (again, on repeat), is the 2000 smash hit from SoulDecision - 'Faded' (one of my favorite songs from college):

The visitors start to jive a little. 'I'm kinda glad he's dead, this is a pretty original experience.' Assuming my body is intact, it will be open casket. With a twist. My ugly mug will be there, with special instructions to prop my eyelids open. Find an eye speculum or something, either way it needs to be done. Lights on but nobody's home. I've already gone home to Christ at that point, so what happens to my balding, weird postured earthly body doesn't mean jack squat to me anymore. Let them be spooked out of their mind when they see me. Oh yeah, three more things. A device will be put underneath the casket that releases sulfuric smells, which triggers an automatic fart noise to be cued up every twenty seconds. Corpses can fart when they're dead. Google that shit. The casket will be open at the head and then.....south of the border. Aaaaaand I'll be naked. Yes, genius - the casket will open around my crotch and the first thing you will see is a fresh from the slab naked Armenian corpse. Sight for sore eyes. Vomiting may ensue. Shrieks of terror. Tears of disgust. Dry heaving. Fainting perhaps when they see the immense size. Ok now we're getting gross. But you can 'run tell dat' - double casket openings, naked body. Book it.

Event #2 - The Funeral

I want a really quick funeral. Catholic and Armenian funerals tend to drag. I want this to be fifteen minutes. I want my coffin to be treated like a bobsled, pushed by some oversized local weightlifters down the church aisle, and then olympic curlers start buffing the floor as the coffin slides into place in front of the altar. A couple friends and family members tell some funny stories, the kids can tell everyone all of the weird shit I would talk about with Mommy, and then the priest would tell a couple racist jokes, pick his nose, adjust his groin, belch periodically, and then spill a Sam Adams beer over my coffin, while everybody cheers wildly. 'Is it weird that I'm kind of enjoying this?' say a few of the mourners. Don't worry, it gets better.

Event #3 - The Celebration Dinner

We'll hopefully rent out a beach house in Duxbury, MA where I was raised to celebrate my death. Beer pong, cage dancers dressed like Legolas from Lord of the Rings, chilled monkey brains, truffle fries/truffle rice balls and a roasting boar on a spit. Jack Johnson playing in the background while people wakeboard during low tide. Confession - I have a chronic FOMO - 'Fear Of Missing Out'. If people are having fun, I need to be there. I guess it stems from having kids young. Whatever. I've been the mayor at all four companies I've worked for. I'm a freaking social butterfly. And I need to be there. Even in death. So put some clothes on me and string some fishing line through my appendages so I can move person to person like a dead Bernie and mingle. Make my dead mouth pretend to talk in my nasally voice. "Mehhhhhh global collapse mehhhhh new world order mehhhhhhh precious metals mehhhh I'm 32, dead and still watch professional wrestling." Make me dance around like a damn marionette. Again, lights on but nobody home. I'll be in spirit form giggling my nuts off. At this point, no one should be crying, there should be lots of laughter, drunken revelry, and hopefully some people making out in the bushes. 'He really stepped it up - I couldn't ask for a better corpse' a few can be heard mumbling. Everybody goes home happy before the next day's jarring finale.

Event #4 - The Disposal of the Body

Everyone is cranky, tired, and hungover from what was called 'the coolest death celebration party ever'. The last thing they want is an emotional send-off. 'Send-off'' being the operative words. You see, I have arranged in my will for a CATAPULT TO LAUNCH MY FUCKING COFFIN OFF A CLIFF INTO A QUARRY. That's right, we all make the trek up some really high cliff somewhere in the Northeast. We line up, and on the count of three, Colleen presses a button that sends my coffin FLYING two hundred yards and midway through the latch opens and my (back to unclothed) dummy carcass falls out, spread eagle, dick flopping in the wind and drops three football fields and smashes on the rocks below. Don't even bother retrieving it. Let the buzzards pick at my guts. I've paid off the local surgeon to surgically implant alka-seltzer tablets in plastic so that when they eat it and fly off, their stomachs explode and they make the plunge in similar fashion. Hopefully in the process they shit down in my general direction so it looks like some savage mutant shot his load all over my face.  The end. Everybody go back to partying.

So that's how I plan on going out. Be nice to me so my wife invites you to the party of the year!!!!!

So You Want To Double Minimum Wage At McDonald's? Unintended Consequences, Much?

Various fast-food employees recently made headlines when an SEIU-sponsored national strike resulted in job walkoffs across the country. Their beef? Not getting paid enough. Minimum wage remains $7.25 and these folks want it goosed up to $15. So basically a doubling of their salary because it is not a 'livable' wage. If they don't get it, they strike. Cause if there's one thing unions are good at doing, its encouraging people to not work. Now I'm prepared for the typical liberal, 'my reading comprehension scores are typically low so I just respond with a knee-jerk reaction', but the logic is here if you have the patience.

Now I'm all about people not living in squalor, with syringes all over the floor, cigarette ashes in the microwave, and having your children eat pizza crust out of a dumpster, but what many of these striking people don't realize is that DOUBLING the minimum wage would actually hurt them in the long run. And don't get it twisted - obviously these people are making a statement with this phony $15/hr figure, but even a $1 increase has impacts. Incremental small-scale increases are fine (like a quarter per hour every year), but large-scale jumps have unintended consequences. But what about entering a new tax bracket? You are no longer living below poverty level, so BOOM you get hit with more taxes! Before you get all bleeding heart and emotional, let me lay some truth down for you.

1. McDonald's/Other fast-food joints are not here to make you rich and they sure as hell aren't here to sustain you throughout life.

Much of this controversy came about over the fact that McDonald's recently published a 'proposed budget' for any incoming employees in order to balance their personal finances. 'A' for effort since heaven forbid our school systems teach personal responsibility/finance and most other companies aren't doing this. 'F' for presentation. Take a look at this table:

Notice anything peculiar? THEY LIST A SECOND SOURCE OF INCOME!!!! They are basically saying, "We can't give you a livable wage, you're gonna have to find a second source of income." No shit, Sherlock. If you work at a high school-level minimum brain/minimum wage job, you won't be able to survive on it. That's the reality. Doesn't make McDonald's or Taco Bell evil, it's just the reality. Teachers do the Lord's work and don't get compensated enough for it. As do cops, nurses and firemen. They do a lot more important things than I do in Pharmaceutical Finance. But that's the way the system works. You make that choice when you choose careers. Lots of McDonald's, lots of Taco Bells, lots of teachers, lots of nurses (I'm talking volume here, not quality of job - think scarcity vs non-scarcity). Not as many doctors, not as many lawyers, not as many accountants, not as many chemists, biologists, and finance personnel. It's the way it is. I realize no one is trying to get rich working at fast food joints, but a 'job' is not required to sustain you in every facet of life. It's not in life's expectation list nor the application/job agreement to pay you anything more or less than what is on the dotted line. You sign at your own risk. Don't complain when things don't work out the way you want them to.

2. You probably don't deserve to have your wage doubled.

I don't know about you, but I rarely have a great experience at a fast food restaurant. I get lousy service, unengaged cashiers, wrong orders, uncooked food, forgotten straws, napkins, and plasticware. Why the hell do you think you deserve a pay increase? Do you deserve it? What have you done to make my experience pleasurable? 75% screw-up rate based on the variables just outlined every time I go to a fast food place. I actually ROOT for stupidity at Taco Bell, because 30% of the time I get an extra taco thrown in my bag, not out of compassion for screwed up orders, but BECAUSE they are screwing up the order.

Most of the fast food employees are in the 16-30 range, so the younger end of the spectrum. They don't know shit about working hard, probably are just looking for cigarette money, and have no idea about respectful bedside manner. Instead I get some stiff in goofy Harry Potter glasses and a 2011 Justin Bieber/any asian teenager haircut grunting the words 'have a nice day.' That is not acceptable customer service and it sure as hell doesn't warrant a large wage increase. You are at McDonalds to learn basic blocking and tackling when comes to working. And hopefully it teaches you to work in the private sector where you don't have to deal with the public. I didn't mind working at a pharmacy growing up, but I sure as hell hated some of the dickheads that lumbered into the store. But I sure put on a happy face and made the experience pleasant so they would come back. Began to know them by name too, which you don't see anymore. Long story short, quit your bitchin' - you probably don't deserve a minimum wage increase.

3. There are technological implications. You will be replaced by Wall-E.

Say these boobs get even a 25% wage increase. Let's even it off at $10/hr to be generous. You think McDonald's is going to be happy just goosing up everyone's hourly wage and still get the same shitty work ethic, attitude, and error rate? Of course not. They'll automate you out of job. More R&D will be invested in developing systems that can process your order through a touch-pad. Forget cash transactions - everything will be through a drive-up keypad and card swipe. And fast food restaurants won't gingerly walk to futuristic technology, they will SPRINT because it means less of you striking workers to deal with!!!!! Think about it - error rate decreases, bad attitude gets replaced with no attitude (but no smiles, but who gives a shit about smiles as long as you aren't rude and/or a grunting oaf. Bit o' money up front that ultimately pays off. Supermarkets are hip to the game. Home Depot is hip to the game. Other companies are opening up and expanding the automated checkout options. Humans are expendable.

4. Increased wages = INFLATION

Increased wages are great for those receiving them, but what about the impacts everywhere else? Taco Bell will simply respond to these new demands by charging us more. Goodbye, $1 menu. That now becomes the $2 menu. Your prices just doubled, just like the high school dropout's hourly wage. Combo meals increase 25% to make up for the fact that Mickey D's now needs to pay unreliable adults and their hot zoo garbage work ethic to work the counter and mop the floors. "But....but shouldn't wages increase with inflation?" Yeah, according to the government and Federal Reserve, inflation target is 2%. So add 2% to your hourly wage....thats like 8 cents. But nowhere is it mandated for inflation-pegged hourly wage increases anywhere. That's reasonable at least - to assume annual wage increases consistent with inflation. But private sector jobs don't operate with that mandate. In my ten years in the work force, 3 of them featured no wage increase, and others were simply matching the company-assumed inflation rate. Why should fast food be any different? By the way - you know the 'inflation numbers' are bullshit when your calculated inflation uplift is nowhere near the increasing prices of food/energy/healthcare/car insurance/gas etc. "Oh it's only 2%, it's allllll under control." Yeah, batteries went up 2%. Light bulbs went up 2%. Everything else seems to be skyrocketing. Anyhoo. Increased wages = Inflation. Simply put. You will pay more at McDonald's.

5. Fast food companies will ultimately lay off employees!!!!!

The most important reason I am AGAINST a steep increase to the minimum wage (especially in fast food), is because the long-term impacts are UNEMPLOYMENT for those seeking the increase!!!! Why on earth would McDonald's keep a shift of 10 when they all suck up more revenues with their obnoxious wage increase request? I'd fire four, make the six remaining work their asses off because $15/hr is a lot of money, and the second I got lip from them, I would show them the door, because there are a lot of hungry teenagers/robots out there that could do the job. This would actually be two-fold - food prices would increase (never to decrease - when do they actually decrease?). Wages would be stuck at a high figure. I'd cut staff, deal with longer lines, deal with a slightly more chaotic office, because if wages go even higher than that, I'd have to lay off another employee to stay profitable AND increase prices even more! So now the American public is losing on the deal! Then I just flat out quit. That is what the franchise manager would do. Is that what we want? All because of a skyrocketing hourly wage? Cut the crap, hit the books, and get a second job. Case closed.

Next post will deal with the true leaders of the world.....the globalist banker cartel and the ruling families that set global policy and banking structures to stay in power. Hope you enjoyed today's post.

Shark Week 2013 - Why We Should Root For The Sharks

The first week of August usually means three things - 1) Summer is winding down 2) The Red Sox are about to go into meltdown mode and 3) Shark Week!!!!!! Contrary to popular belief, the format for Shark Week doesn't change year to year, and you basically get the same regurgitated shark drivel year after year. But it's always entertaining, and never fails to disappoint. It's kind of like American Idol auditions - fun watching the losers for the first few episodes, and then you get bored and want to watch something else. Same deal with Shark Week. This post aims to change your perceptions going into Shark Week, one in which you root FOR the sharks as they strike/eat/maim fellow human beings.

I'm a horror movie fan. My wife refers to them as 'sick fuck' movies. I can only watch them after 10:00 when she heads to bed early. Now I'm not one of those people who sees the movie and then gets off on people getting murdered to satisfy some sick fetish. I just like seeing people get what they deserve. Usually the formula is a bunch of teenage jerks go out cruisin’, take a wrong turn, piss off some locals, or flat out planned going to some isolated rustic house that their uncle’s friend owns. Shark Week is not entirely different, as usually the folks who get their body parts bitten off could have been in a safer situation. I take the horror movie approach with shark attacks – the people get what they deserve. Every time, unless it’s a little kid, in which I feel horrible. Here’s a list of the folks that deserve to have a haunch bitten off by a Great White. Feel free to tell me if I left anyone off the list.

Shark Bait #1 - The Surfer

“What’s up duuuuuuude? Just vibin’ bro. Calm seas today, brah. Mad chill waves man, just ridin’ the barrels.” Ahhh the life of a surfer. To have no mortgage, student loans, accountability, or stress. The surfer obviously majored in communications or marine biology in college. They wanted to escape their meddling parents on the east coast and moved to California or Hawaii. Life is peaceful and free of the hustle bustle of Corporate America. Hey, God bless you if you can achieve that inner zen. I’m not knocking you if you can find happiness through the vessel of riding waves the rest of your life. To each his own. Except one problem. Fahkin’ shahhhhks live in that watahhhh. You basically share an office building with predators. I share an office building with sexual predators. Ok maybe surfers have it worse.

But seriously, if you choose to ride waves for a living and ‘get ‘pitted’ and happen to infringe upon the shark’s territory, you deserve to lose a limb or two. The rest of us are sweating bullets wondering when we’re going to get laid off, and you are wearing friggin’ body suits, catching air, and flirting with rejects from ‘The Hills’. You choose to surf during dusk/dawn when sharks are primarily doing their feeding. And you wonder why you're in a world of hurt. I hope a shark bites your dick off. I don’t want to see some wonky-toothed Tiny Tim look-a-like from Australia regaling me with harrowing tales of watching his board get bit in half and getting his meaty guts ripped out. You brought it on yourself for not studying hard in school.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJdF8DJ70Dc

Suggested Shark Attack – 1 to 2 limbs


Shark Bait #2 – Twilight Swimmers

Twilight swimmers are just too cocky for their own good. Swimming is done during the day, everybody knows that. Haven’t you seen Jaws 2? I don’t know what sharks are up to at night, but they don’t sleep and your body parts flopping around in the water and waking all the fish up sure as hell doesn’t help anything. Is it Mission: Critical to swim at night in shark infested waters? Can’t you just swim at your hotel’s pool? Or pull a ‘Girl Next Door’ and skinny-dip in your principal’s pool. But swimming in the ocean at night when lifeguards are off duty? Who’s going to save you, Jason Vorhees? He sticks to lakes, not large bodies of water. You’re on your own, and you are being careless. Once again, you deserve to have your torso float to the shore and get comingled with the flotsam/jetsam/seaweed that comes in with the tide. Always make sure you have other sober people around you. Strength in numbers counts for something. I think. But maybe not. Like Honey Badger, sharks don’t give a fuck.

Suggested Shark Attack – 1 leg eaten

Shark Bait #3 -  Victims that don’t learn their lesson


You all heard about the infamous surfer Bethany Hamilton, who got her arm bitten off by a tiger shark in 2003. Well, as awful as that was, she decided to go BACK into the surfing world, as if to show the sharks that they couldn’t derail her career. But they did. They bit her arm off and her balance isn’t as good. If a colleague bit my arm off, I would probably find work elsewhere in a completely different industry. This bitch went back into surfing competitions. Fool of a Took (ok sorry for the LOTR reference). Why don’t people learn their lessons? I know it’s hip and trendy to confront your fears head on, but if I were to confront a shark that bit my fucking arm off, I would basically admit defeat, bow before them, and throw some chum/minnows at them. They ate a part of my body. I want nothing to do with them or their ilk for the rest of my life, thank you very much. Why do people insist on confronting their victimizer? Do something else. Strip. Go into teaching or become a paralegal. Get an office job. The wayward seas are not for you, cause you tend to lose limbs. We just finished watching some recent shark attack sob stories, and you hear these assholes talk about ‘Ohhh I respect the ocean and especially the sharks. I’m grateful that they spared my family member cause they could have eaten her whole.’ Shut up, you doofus. It’s damn oversized fish with a small brain. It doesn’t have the same feelings that you do. It doesn’t even know what ‘respect’ is. We always treat animals and fish in human terms. They’re not human, that’s why we are at the top of the food chain. People always get shocked when dogs/chimps/snakes rebel and turn on their owners. Get your head out of your ass and exert some control. Stay out of a shark’s wheelhouse. They only warn you once. And by ‘warn’ I mean only bite your arm off.

Suggested Shark Attack – complete consumption. No remains. (except for a chewed up private part floating in the water).


Shark Bait #4 – Dummy Tourists

More often than not, we hear about a careless tourist from China or some dunderheaded parent going out too far to get a errant frisbee that their kid threw. They always need to get the latest photo of a high wave, they always need to lean a little too far over the side of the boat to get a picture of a slimy porpoise, or take a stupid selfie with their hair blowing in the wind while the boat is in motion. They don't perform a cursory due diligence of where they are vacationing, and therefore test Poseidon's patience when they cluelessly swim in an inappropriate shark-infested area. In a perfect world, brainless tourists all go on the same boat and get fed to a school of sharks and a series of random feet and cameras with neckstraps wash up on shore, with an occasional severed head with a dumb/shocked look on its face.

Suggested Shark Attack - nothing but human torso remaining. Just a headless/limbless carcass with nipple rings and a gargoyle tattoo on its back.

Shark Bait #5 – ‘One More Dip Donna’

Everyone just had a great day swimming and playing at the beach and just as everyone is packed up to go home there is always one numskull who has to pipe up “hey guys, I’m just going to hop in for one last dip.” No you’re not. You’re hopping in to your DEATH. Ronald the Shark is just waiting to chew up your guts like gamey meat. Get out of the damn water and go home while you’re still ahead (and intact). Don’t give me this foolish “one last dip” game and blame me when your vagina gets munched off. Unless you want your friends to be playing with your lanky bones as they wash up on shore, get your ass off the beach at the time you planned and don’t look back.

Suggested Shark Attack – don’t care how, but there needs to be nothing but lanky bones remaining. Donna chose poorly.

So those are the folks to look out for during Shark Week. Don't feel bad when they die - they probably deserved it. The sharks own the seas. Humans in swim trunks don't. Remember that, you knuckleheads.

Celebrity Smackdown - Beyonce Knowles-Z

My hatred of Hollywood is palpable. It has the highest concentration of self-consumed, self-important, drug-addicted, phony, morally depraved assholes on planet earth. If an asteroid were to somehow wipe it out, I would rejoice like a Palestinian on 9/11. That being said, a good deal of these pinheads need to be brought back down to our level. Over the next few weeks I will zero in on obnoxious celebrities and stomp a verbal mudhole in their lousy guts while exposing them as the frauds that they are. Our first victim is Beyonce Knowles......-Z.

For those who don't have cable, Beyonce has been the dominant R&B singer of the past twelve years (basically since Aaliyah died, God rest her soul). She started with Destiny's Child and naturally went solo because of her beauty, her voice, her onstage presence, blah blah blah. That's fine. Not here to make personal attacks on looks or voice quality, cause obviously she is blessed in both categories. If she didn't have any other baggage, I wouldn't be writing this post and would have just skipped to Kanye West. However, if you dig a little deeper and examine her recent past, you'll find her to be just another pretentious diva with Eric Holder-esque DOJ tendencies and a dark, sinister 'alter-ego' that the press gives her a pass on. Here's a list of reasons why she landed on my shitlist:

1) The whole baby/hospital fiasco with Jay Z
We all remember when Beyonce and Jay Z dominated the news with the birth of their baby 'Blue Ivy' (latest dumbass celebrity baby name, joining the ranks of Apple, Moxie Crimefighter, and Kal-El. As long as it's not 'Jermichael' and Jay Z stays in the picture, we're fine, I guess). They infamously shut down a wing of a hospital because their kid was more important than other people's. While reports differ on whether or not they actually paid $1.3m to 'shut down the entire floor', at the very least security guards repeatedly blocked the father of two premature babies from entering the Neonatal area, and other patients on the floor considered lodging complaints about family members being prevented from visiting due to the security guards. Again, reports are going to vary, but this was all over the news at the time, and independent of how much money was shelled out to retain privacy, loading up on security guards for a maternity ward qualifies as douche-baggery in my book.

What is so special about Beyonce's vaginal birth? Is her vaginal lining coated in gold? Diamonds? Tennis ball material? Why the special treatment? So women recovering from a C-section for four days need to deal with this shit? Why the security guards? Maternity wards are as locked down as you can get. I wish our border were run by maternity ward nurses. No one would ever get through. I had to practically provide a semen/stool sample every time I came and went from the wards when my three kids were born. She's not the first nor the last celebrity to demand this kind of treatment. But it's effin obnoxious.

2) 'Bow Down', Bitches
Beyonce went from the hot lead singer of Destiny's Child to biggest performer of 2003 to Jay Z's power-broker wife. Now she thinks we need to bow down before her. Sorry you arrogant twat - I only bow down before Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Your scantilly clad muscled twerking ass? No thanks. Go fuck yourself. Don't give me the typical women's lib 'I'm just empowered, I'm a strroooooong woman' claptrap (while she shakes her chicken neck). You are elevating yourself to hero worship, just like your husband Jay Z and Kanye West. Your 'strong woman' persona means nothing to me. Your head is as big as it was during your fro'd out cameo in Austin Powers 3. Deflate that shit.

Still not sure if the song is just an uplifting tome? Check out the following lyrics:

I know when you were little girls
You dreamt of being in my world
Don't forget it, don't forget it
Respect that, bow down, b-tches

I'm so crowned, bow, bow down b-tches

I took some time to live my life
But don’t think I’m just his little wife

Don't tell my daughter she wanted to be you when she grows up, because she doesn't aspire to dance like a slut/savage. We don't worship 'your world' of material wealth and pampering. You are NOT crowned. You exist because your handlers allow you to exist (stay tuned for #3 - it'll blow your mind.) Now before you go off into 'I'm a sexist pig' mode, EVERY rapper talks themselves up, so this is par for the course. But in the greater context, compared with the other items, it helps earn her a Celebrity Smackdown for her smug arrogance.

3) She is an Illuminati Whore. I repeat, Beyonce is an Illuminati Whore.
I haven't gotten into the Illuminati much in my blog posts (ie - 'the secret society that runs the world from behind the scenes'). I will eventually. Everyone has their own definition of what they think 'The Illuminati' is, but long story short, they own Hollywood. They own the US presidency. They own the media. They own the Federal Reserve. They are Satan's servants here on earth, and they DO exist. In order to get as many people under their umbrella as possible, they recruit celebrities as 'useful idiots' to their cause. You may recognize the names Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Kanye West, Jay Z, Marilyn Manson, Nicki Minaj, and Beyonce. They are but a few of the Hollywood celebrities that are bought and paid for by the globalists. You think I'm joking but I'm not. Look this stuff up (hint - it won't be found on Fox News/CNN/MSNBC but seek and ye shall find). Watch this clip and come talk to me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21GOSnJc4Mg&feature=c4-overview&list=UUE1PSKHiQIi4WF9ZTHGJCRg

Here's another just to keep your attention:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idAz7mFKPrc

The imagery, the symbolism, the jewelry, the pyramid sign that her and Jay Z flash (capstone of the NWO pyramid, otherwise known as the 'Eye of Horus'), the fact that her husband is the CEO (or whatever) of Roc-A-Fella, the record label he started, taken as a 'hood' version of Rockefeller, the kin of the oil mogul and leading Illuminati family in the world (along with the Rothschild family).

She's been photographed wearing the ring of Baphomet (goat head, adopted by the Church of Satan). Notorious satanist Aleister Crowley brought this icon into prominence during the early 20th century as another symbol for Satan.

So combine the above, with the Illuminati symbol below, the back of the dollar bill, the Roc-a-fella label's success (together they are billionaires), the unparalleled success as the '1st Couple' of Hollywood, the imagery from the Super Bowl performance and it all makes sense. Believe it if you want, dismiss me as crazy (you probably already have), I don't give a shit. This is Hollywood. People sell their souls to be successful, Listen to the interviews with Katy Perry and Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussy Cat Dolls about 'selling your soul'. Beyonce is just another name to the list.

4. The 'Sasha Fierce' gimmick.
Remember when Garth Brooks did that stupid album as Chris Gaines? Or when Stephen King wrote under the pseudonym Richard Bachman? Those were corny but innocuous. Beyonce claims she undergoes spiritual enslavement and an evil 'presence' fills her named 'Sasha Fierce'. She's said in interviews that its almost like she blacks out whenever she gets possessed. Doesn't remember what she's doing, has no control, and all of her inner animal instincts come out. Either she's truly possessed by some foreign 'entity' (again, she's Illuminati so not surprised), or this is some stupid stage trick to make her 'unaccountable' when she makes ugly horse-faces and dances like a jezebel on steroids at her concerts. Check out the infamous rotten, sneering face she makes under the moniker 'Sasha Fierce':

There's a lot more where that came from if you simply Google the images (for some reason I can't post all of the goofy pics, maybe NSA is cracking down on this)! I'll let you stew on the above and research on your own time. But that, my friends, is Sasha Fierce in action! And what about her request at the end of the halftime show for everyone to stick their arms out so she could take in their energy? Who the hell needs other people's energy? SAAAAATANNNN? Hmmmm????????

Then she has the audacity to get pissed off when these pictures get taken of her!!! Her thighs are more muscular than Jason Varitek's!! Her face is horsier than Seabiscuit's!!!! What kind of diabolical force is taking over her body?!?!? I will leave that to the reader to decide. But seriously, these 'no more mister nice guy' appeals are so pathetic. Family man/Hollywood Christian (not many of them) crooner Pat Boone tried to do this 20 years ago and it failed mightily. "Need to reinvent myself - I got it - I'll make bitter beer faces and flex my sinewy neck muscles!!!!" You're doing fine on your own, Beyonce, no need to create an alter-ego. Again, unless the Illuminati are telling you to. If you're a big enough whore like Ke$ha, they might even  bang you.

5. She's your basic self-important diva and her music actually sucks if you filter out her wonderful voice.
So this should really be 5A and 5B. The baby fiasco was a mere prologue to her diva tendencies. A recent tour-rider came forward with some of her wacky demands (disclaimer - most Hollywood celebrities have similar strange requests, but again, lump this in with the greater context):

• All crew members have to wear 100% cotton.
• Alkaline water must be chilled to 21 degrees and served with $900 titanium straws.
• Bathrooms must have new toilet seats and red toilet paper at every venue. (Trousered Apes note - why the red toilet paper? Does the Princess menstruate and she's too ashamed? What...is.....the deal?)
• Hand-carved ice balls should be made after each show to cool her throat.
• Fathead lifesize cutout of pagan god Baphomet for her to throw up the Illuminati sign to (ok I made that last one up).

Anyone with those types of demands is worthy of ridicule. I'm sure she's a nice person in private, probably gives to charity and loves her fans. But the pedestal shit pisses me off. I like to kick pedestals with people on them so they fall back to the ground where they belong. Doesn't seem to have a humble bone on her body. Did you see her at the SNL taping with Justin Timberlake? Stiff, phony, takes herself too seriously. Contrast that with JT in a leotard making a jackass out of himself and we all love him for it because self-deprecation is awesome. Not in Beyonce's world.

And the music. Come on. Admit it - despite the beautiful voice, appearance and dance moves, her music is ugly. Horrible melodies. Catchy but ugly. That stupid strut she does. Get. Lost. I've been listening to R&B for 25 years so I know what I'm talking about. Aaliyah had it all. Janet had it all. Mariah had it all. Beyonce leaves much to be desired. I'll grant you 'Halo', but the rest is balderdash garbage aimed at empowering women  herself and encouraging heroine worship. Madonna and Lady Gaga are in the same vain (watch their Illuminati performances and tell me they aren't eerily similar/trashy).

So that's my steamrolling of Beyonce. Cut the shit about 'yeah bro, she makes more in one concert than you'll see in a lifetime.' That's not how you measure people. Treating fellow human beings like servants and peasants does not get you into the Pearly Gates faster. I'll pray for her as I'll pray for any other celebrity I trash in future blog posts - but these assholes need to have a crash landing reality check in Trousered Apesville. Until next time...... 

Detroit 2013 - A Preview of 21st Century America

In between the Zimmerman verdict and Royal Baby birth, something catastrophic and foreshadowing occurred to one of the most productive US cities in the 20th century - Detroit filed for bankruptcy. Everyone saw it coming, and everyone in the general vicinity of the once-great city has blood on their hands. This post will examine what went wrong, why it will eventually hit other large cities, and really creative things to do with what's left of Detroit if I were the poor slob responsible for turning the city around.

How the hell did Detroit get into this mess?

It's common knowledge that the Motor City has been overrun with crooked Democrats since 1962. Once the poster boy of the American automotive industry, Detroit sold its soul to Union thugs, engaged in large-scale corruption, and got its one-trick pony ass handed to it when the Japanese started producing (gasp) quality cars. What could cause a city of 1.8m people in the 1950's to drop down to 700,000 today (60% reduction)? Full disclosure - I've never been to Detroit, but then again I've never been to Afghanistan or Siberia either, and am completely fine passing judgment on the living conditions there without forcing myself to visit them. So shut your mouth. Here's a Homey The Clown sock to the head of Detroit fun facts for you to chew on (source: http://theeconomiccollapseblog.com/archives/25-facts-about-the-fall-of-detroit-that-will-leave-you-shaking-your-head):

- $20 billion in debt and unfunded liabilities.
- 300k manufacturing jobs in 1960 (about 17% of peak population). Now its less than 27k.
- 50% of Michigan manufacturing jobs were lost from 2000-2010.
- 47% of Detroiters are functionally illiterate. More on this later.
- Police force down 40% in ten years.
- Violent crime 5x national average. Murders 11x that of NYC.

The heavy reliance on the auto industry that 'drove' Detroit to being one of the most prosperous cities in the United States fifty years ago ended up becoming its undoing. Cars exploded in the 1950's and Detroit was at the forefront. A sustainable business model was created, as Ford, GM, and Chrysler set up plants and other manufacturing facilities to crank out cars to North America. Then the city went down an ugly road after the 1967 riots caused massive civil unrest. The residents then proceeded to elect Democrat Union-dick sucking mayors for 50 years, continued to lavishly fund pensions without thinking of the downstream impacts, refused to develop other services outside of automobiles due to lack of vision, innovation and intellectual curiousity. Allowed drugs and crime to fester, forcing white flight and its most important taxpayers to the suburbs. Racial bitterness persisted (on both sides of the coin), as the conservative white suburbs were pitted against the failing black city of Detroit. It didn't help the situation that they actually kept their schools segregated and through a Supreme Court decision would not bus students across district lines! Kept pumping money into failing school systems that never seemed to improve themselves over the past 30 years. Crooked official after crooked official seemed to find their way to Detroit, some even winning mayoral elections. Below is a brief list of the scumbags that led Detroit into oblivion ('bolivion' as Mike Tyson would say):

- Kwame Kilpatrick (former mayor) - felony obstruction of justice
- Charlie Beckham (current mayor Dave Bing's former chief advisor) - accepting bribes, corruption
- Tom Barrow (former mayoral contender) - tax evasion
- Monica Conyers (former city council president, wife of congressman John Conyers) - federal bribery charges

These are some of the assholes running things in Detroit. No wonder they can't seem to get anything right. And that's BEFORE we even discuss the unsustainable pension problems. We're now on the precipice of witnessing millions of Detroit pensioners running the risk of NOT receiving their pensions due to the bankruptcy. As mentioned earlier, a dwindling tax base, a 16% city unemployment rate (down from 28% four years ago, but still shitty), city maintenance costs increasing, abandoned buildings and vacant lots and lack of visionary politicians to find a way to fund these pensions. Well, this is what happens. Now the General Retirement System goes from 83% funded to 65%, while the police and fire pension goes from 100% funded to 78%. Expect those numbers to continue to go down. Lots of gravy train manufacturing 20/30/40 years ago + uncaving Union thugs + rewarding malfeasance and corruption = Detroit in distress. Sorry city residents, you could see this coming from a mile away. You chose it by voting in the same 'rotten to the core' types of leaders. You wouldn't divert from 'business as usual' in Detroit. You didn't learn new skill sets to keep your job more valuable or indispensible. You didn't account for Japan or Korea and now India creating successful car companies. But you kept doing the same thing, pointing your fingers and guilt-tripping those that were smart enough to escape the wrath and chase a better life in Suburbia. Here's a sign that the understaffed police department put up because Detroit isn't even worth protecting anymore:

The school are in shambles too. As mentioned earlier, 47% of the students are functionally illiterate. 70% of 4th graders and 77% of 8th graders score below basic skill levels in math on the NAEP test. The Detroit public school system even stooped so low as to make the teachers loan them $10,000 through 40 $250 paycheck deductions as a means of ensuring payroll needs were met. Teachers would get the money back (interest free of course) once they left the school. 70% of children are born to single mothers (third rail of common sense 'this is what's fucking wrong with our inner cities' remarks that gets you labeled as 'ignorant'). Charter schools were capped because they were 'taking away good teachers from the failing public schools'). Ok, why are liberals so against charter schools and school choice? Why is it that the free market playing out and attracting the best of the best (of Detroit, not saying much) is offensive to the public sector? Listen, I love teachers and always respect them. But if you are in a failing environment that isn't getting better, and you are powerless to control it, get the hell out and go to a suburban environment where your quality of life is better. 70% of students from broken homes and corrupt administrations are not a good combination for you to get in the middle of.

The final straw for many was when successful philanthropist Bob Thompson, who gave half of his fortune to his former employees, wanted to donate the other half of his fortune in the form of 15 new Detroit charter schools. The amount was $200 million. Detroit balked at the idea, and current inmate/ex-mayor Kwame Kilpatrick told him to led the public school system dictate how the $200m was spent. Union organizers blocked it under the idea that it would take away their precious school teachers. Guess what? Thompson withdrew his offer. Fortunately he ended up sprucing up three charter schools, but a perfect opportunity was missed because of 'business as usual':

http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20100930/opinion03/9300328/what-newark-got--detroit-turned-down

So we know Detroit basically has a fork sticking out of its back. We can pretend it will turn around but it won't. Those manufacturing jobs aren't coming back. Those pensions won't be paid out at 100% (or even 50% for some of them). The racial divide persists (though I thought that was supposed to disappear during the 2009-2017 Obama years?). Now suburbanites who escaped the decay of Detroit will soon be asked to foot the bill for Detroit's financial woes. This is liberalism, corruption, and union thuggery run amuck. Now I'm sure there are other towns run by conservatives that have fallen on hard times, but this is formerly the 4th largest city in America in the 1960's. It's the home of Motown. This is a big deal. Countless other cities on the west coast continue to flounder (see: California - Stockton, San Bernardino). Many more are coming down the pike.

Here's a few 'Detroits of Tomorrow' to whet your whistle - Cincinnati, Minneapolis, Portland, and Sante Fe. Look out for stagnant economic growth, high levels of unemployment, steep 'leaver' rates, unsustainable levels of under-funded retiree benefits, and skyrocketing health care costs for retirees (and not to mention the perverted spectre in the background known as Obamacare, which will cost 2x as much as we were promised). Check these two graphs out to see which cities are on the radar over the next decade based on leavers (see bolded variables above, as 'leaving' doesn't necessarily cause city bankruptcy):

So in light of all that, what do we do next? I have some suggestions.

1. Bulldoze the whole fucking place. Make a big parking lot or one big national park. This will be a memorial for what America used to be before we got too big for our britches. This is what happens when we stop innovating, produce crappy products, expect to be overcompensated for it, break the law, look gift horses in the mouth, and depart from what made this country great - capitalism.

2. Roll the dice and only elect successful venture capitalists and turn-around experts to prominent political positions. Democrats had the last 50 years. They failed. Time for a change. One problem - Republicans are pussies. So elect some Independents or Austrian School of Economics Libertarians.

3. Let the city's public schools fail. It can't get much worse. "Yeah and how are these poor people going to pay for it, you brat?" Utilize the school voucher system. Have government redirect existing, already committed subsidies from the failing public school to the parents of the child going to the charter school. A 2012 study by the Mackinac Center For Public Policy showed cost per student in Detroit in 2011 was $19,000. Per each dumb student. Give that money in the form of a school voucher each year to the poor parent(s) so their kid can get a chance to succeed in life. Draft legislation that encourages charter school startups. Get out of this segregated 'white vs black' mindset. Democrats want division. They're inherently condescending to minorities - "You can't do it by yourself, you need us you helpless piece of shit." What the hell have they done for you Detroit? Watch charter schools pop up and out-perform the public school system. Watch grades and literacy rates and math scores and graduation rates skyrocket. Take note and implement this in every city that is struggling. Stop playing the fucking race card.

4. Sew up the vagina of these 70% of single mothers and cut the penis off of the men that knocked them up. Only kidding so stop getting all angry. This is a problem though. Of course, the rates will somehow continue to hover in the 70% range even AFTER my suggestion. But my suggestion makes lives better. Children will (gasp) know both parents, go to a charter school, learn things, become successful, pay higher taxes, give back to the community, perhaps even MOVE back to the community, and BOOM Detroit begins to grow again.

5. See #1.

Hang in there Detroit. It'll get better. Not. You won't do any of the above. You won't rein in the corruption, you won't payout those pensions. You won't improve your school systems. You won't change your voting style. Detroit is the first of many large American cities to file for bankruptcy. Baltimore. Cleveland. Philadelphia. Don't pick on them, pray for them. It's coming to your city soon.

Why The Karate Kid Deserved To Get Beat Up By The Cobra Kai

One of my favorite vintage 80’s movies is The Karate Kid. Ralph Macchio stole the hearts of a country with his courageous performance by almost single-handedly battling a stable of Cobra Kai goons and somehow vanquishing them all when he captured the prestigious All Valley Karate Championship (previous champeens – Bruce Lee, Liu Kang, and Jackie Chan). Everyone loves to root for the underdog, right? But what happens if we look at Daniel LaRusso’s story through the lens of a Cobra Kai member? Or even a nonpartisan classmate who sees this from the sidelines? A different pattern emerges, one with peculiar and quite frankly sheepish overtones. I’ve listed a few examples for the reader in order to build the case that Daniel San had it coming to him.

1)      You don’t move from shithole Newark, NJ to the San Vernando Valley of LA and walk in there like you’re something special. The people of LA are trendier, cooler, better looking and superior athletes than you. Daniel ‘Donkeylips’ LaRusso came in, started showing off by knee-bumping a soccer ball to impress Ali Mills and her cum dumpster friends as ‘Cruel Summer’ blares in the background. Dude, you just moved there. Ease in a little bit. Don’t rock the boat. And don’t go after the hottest girls your first week. There’s a jock/meathead pecking order with these gals, and you are right behind trench-coated thespians on the ‘To-Do’ list. And then you go after a girl who just had a rough breakup with Cobra Kai cleanup hitter Johnny Lawrence? Are you nuts? That’s like rattling the cages at Gitmo, except instead of cages there’s….air. Bad form. Liquor up a slam pig and get your rocks off. Don’t start the semester with enemies. Trousered Apes Prescribed Punishment (‘TAPP’) – a shove against a locker/finger wagging ‘You better watch out’ warning from Johnny.

2)      His lack of solid judgment and overall clumsiness got him in foolish situations. He dressed up as a frigging shower curtain for a Halloween party, but no girl would be caught dead going in ‘the shower’ because he hadn’t manscaped since the Carter administration. At least link up with some buddies from class and go in tandem. Cobra Kai went as skeletons. Everyone else was a ninja or Superman. You’re a damn shower curtain with swamp-ass (‘swass’ as the kids call it these days) and the body of a cross country runner. Strike 1. Strike 2 came in the form of his overall clumsiness when he arrived at the formal that he was clearly not invited to. Ali, Johnny, and her parents were at this stuffy affair, errybody was having a good time doing the ‘white person dance’ and Johnny decides to sneak some tongue into the equation. Not a big deal (I’ve been kicked off the playground for even lesser infractions). But the dumb bastard tried to play hero and ended up backing into a waiter serving spaghetti. Chaos and laughter ensue. Did anyone dare to ask, “How did this asshole even get in here, let alone the kitchen?” Who was working the door, Mexico Border Security? Tuuka Rask in the last 17 seconds of Game 6 of the Stanley Cup? TAPP – the spaghetti was embarrassing enough, but for good measure I would have given him a swift dick-kick to bring him to his knees, grab him by the neck and say something 80’s like ‘You’re on thin ice/dead meat, creep’.

Get 'eem, boyz!!!!

  

3)      He had a really gay mountain bike. Sorry to use the word ‘gay’ but my understanding from the Supreme Court decision was that with the equal treatment of same sex couples comes mainstreaming of the word ‘gay’. That means we can call things ‘gay’ without feeling ashamed about it anymore. Kinda like ‘the race card ended when Obama got elected, so stop your fucking bitching and start acting accountable for your actions.’ Ok wow this was not supposed to get animated, it’s a Karate Kid blog post. Simmer down. He was always trying to get away on his gay mountain bike (without a helmet, no less) that wasn’t even equipped to handle the undulating hills and dirt roads of Reseda. Get that thing fashioned before you run your Mongoose into the ground.  And then he gets to the apartment complex and has the audacity to BLAME THE BIKE for his black eye when the Cobra Kai inevitably catches up with ‘eem! Look in the mirror brosef! YOU brought this on yourself. I don’t trust teenagers on mountain bikes. Even less so when they wear jorts whilst biking. Daniel San at least didn’t wear jorts. So that counts for something. But my gahhd, watch this scene and roll your eyes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7V8_vQn63g

He gets owned by the Cobra Kai, takes an epic dive down a hill and takes his guido aggression out on a damn mountain bike while his mother looks on. Are you kidding me? And we’re supposed to ROOT for him? TAPP – well, the bike crash was good enough punishment in my book. I would have backed off the Cobra Kai for a few days after that stunt.

4)      The Mr. Miyagi factor. He has a WWII vet/alcoholic bail him out of all his problems. In essence, he had an implied immunity from the Cobra Kai during the second half of the movie due to a Mr. Miyagi WWE-style run-in. Can’t hang out with kids his age cause he already burned his bridges with the ‘establishment’ popular kids after they saw his pathetic display at the soccer tryouts/Halloween party/Spaghetti Formal. Needs to rely on an old chinaman to clear house like ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin at a Royal Rumble. Every single time. Did anyone ever even land a blow to this guy, or did they feel bad that he was old and smelled like almond paste and cheap Cherry Mash bourbon? And then there’s Daniel San cheerleading in the background like the frigging rodent on Jabba The Hut’s shoulder in Star Wars. Pathetic.

 

5)      And what about LaRusso being duped into clean Miyagi’s house? ‘Muscle Memory’ my ass. A down and out handyman has five cars and a nice rancher and needs help upkeeping the place because nobody wants to work with him cause he’s weird. Cleaning floors, cars, furniture and being a glorified janitor for no pay. That’s what you git, Daniel. You shot for the moon with Ali Mills, she dates you out of pity, and you are slaving for a depressed old man and a seemingly insurmountable language barrier. And this can’t exactly go on your resume when you study Communications at UCLA. ‘Helped neighborhood creeper with his house, but don’t worry he paid me with protection because I’m an arrogant prick who can’t stay out of trouble.’ Can you say ‘career student’ at that point? TAPP – Ya know, throughout the movie there was that recurring scene where the opponent is at their deathbed and the adversary hold a tilted palm out and says ‘Live or die, man’, only to honk their nose. I kinda wish Johnny pulled a Steven Segal and actually finished off Daniel San once and for all, threw his denim jacket over his shoulder, put his arm around Ali Mills, and said something corny like, ‘Let’s ditch this chump-bucket’, fooled around in his Camaro and made her have an abortion six weeks later. Or at least sweep that damn leg. That’s my alternate ending to the movie. And we wouldn’t even need to go through the torture of the sequel.