1. Randy Orton, WWE Champion
I think I've had a man-crush on WWE superstar Randy Orton since 2003. The son of 80's legend Cowboy Bob Orton, Randy Orton is the second generation superstar that was thrust into our TV sets along with Triple H, Ric Flair, and Batista as part of the 'Evolution' stable. He was billed as the future of the WWE as the infamous vulgar/violent 'Attitude Era' of the WWE (1997-2002) came to an end. They needed new stars, so Orton, John Cena, and Edge filled the void.
2. Chris Hemsworth, actor - (only as Thor)
Chris Hemsworth plays the regal Thor of Asgard in the Avengers series. He's had two of his own movies where he feuds with his brother Loki over control of the throne that will ultimately be vacated by Odin, King of Asgard. But that's all dumb back story. What is front and center is how hot Thor is. So hot that he singes off my eyebrows so I look like Jerry Seinfeld's Uncle Leo. His hammer is one of the most awesome weapons in the history of movies. With it, he's damn near invincible.
3. Freddie Prinze Jr, actor in garbage movies
Freddie Prinze Jr, also known as 'Mr. Michelle-Gellar', starred in numerous movies you may have unfortunately watched - Summer Catch, She's All That, I Know What Those Kids Did That Summer, and Scooby Doo. He's got an all-American boy look, he's a conservative Republican (rare for Hollyweird, probably why his career took a downward spiral after he declared it), and a decent build. He was an ace pitcher in Summer Catch, but strikes me as a mini-Keanu Reaves with his doofiness.
4. Orlando Bloom, actor - (only as Legolas)
"Boe a hyn neled herain dan caer menig? Natha daged dhaer." - Sindarin (Elven) language
Translation - "Come here and sit on my face. Are you into water sports? You ever seen a grown elf naked?"
Orlando Bloom achieved stardom from his role in Lord of the Rings as token hot elf Legolas (of the Silvan Woodland Realm, OBVIOUSLY. As if his dialect didn't give it away?!?!?). I liked his long flowing locks, puke-green leggings, and pinpoint accuracy with a bow. He had a fast draw and could also gut you like a fish with a dagger if you got too close. Just ask an orc or an oliphaunt!!!! Right?!?! Anyway, he looked like a girl, dressed like a girl, and talked like a girl. Since I love blondes (namely my wife), I figured I'd add him to my 'To Do' list. Who needs Cupid to shoot a love arrow when Legolas could shoot his OWN love arrow and we would fall in love and frolic throughout Rivendell together for eternity?
5. Viggo Mortensen, actor - (only as Aragorn)
Sticking to the LOTR theme, Viggo Mortensen played the uber-manly role of Aragorn, eventual king of Gondor (sorry to ruin it for you, jugheads). He was scruffy, well-trained with a sword, had good leadership qualities and NEVER lost his cool. I like that in a guy. Patient with the loser hobbits who couldn't hang with the rest of the gang, always willing to share knowledge, and always deferential to the other kings he would encounter. A humble man. Scored a higher battlefield rating than General George Patton. Looks hot in mithril armor. I loved the sweat that gathered on his brow after the battle for Helm's Deep when he pushed the doors open, and his tired, victorious frame lurched in slow motion towards the camera.
Honorable Mention - Alan Rickman, actor - (only as Severus Snape)
Ok just kidding. But he friggin OWNS this character.
That's it before I get carried away. Next post deals with creative ways to pop the student loan bubble. Stay tuned and have a great week, readers!